Learning to live outside my head.

2012 - The year to de-clutter my life

2012-01-04T21:26:00.002+01:00

Well it's a new year and with a new year comes new resolutions.

Usually I don't make resolutions much less put them in writing, but since these are all fairly doable, I figure why not.

Clear out my inbox (currently 2931 mails)
read at least 6 classics this year
read not more than one book from the library a month in addition to the book club reads*
read more of the books I own
Make and send out Chinese New Year cards
Make and send out birthday cards

* - unless I've read all of the ones I own, which is less than likely given the list.

There are other things I'm working on this year which aren't really resolutions but just in general:

Back-up and delete files off the laptop
unless it's a special occasion, no more than 2 hours of TV a night, not to extend past 9pm

Time Flies

2011-07-20T10:26:00.001+02:00

I just noticed that it's been almost a year since I last posted here. Sometimes it feels like that and other times it doesn't.

An old friend reminded me about this blog when I had to log in to place a comment on his. I really should blog more, but I just don't.

It's 4:20am and I'm still awake. After having gone to bed early after having iced my left knee and taken an anti-inflammatory I was wide awake by 2am. Thankfully I was able to finish the book I need to read for Thursdays book club and yet there's another I need to finish also, but that wasn't the assigned reading. I think it's poor form to run a book club (even if it was just pass onto me) for work and not having read the book. At least I've read the one for Thursday, yay me. Now it's to get sleep so I can attend the knitting and crocheting group tomorrow morning (if I can wake up).

I would like to write more but I think it's past time to get some sleep, or at least make an attempt that way.

Day 4

2010-07-29T14:25:00.002+02:00

Well this morning didn't start off as smoothly as other mornings but I did manage to get everything done and out of the door by 6am and was running at 6:01. My morning companion was even waiting for me and he hung around until the first half mile mark. He was soon distracted by another runner who took another route. However that lasted until the end of the first mile where he was waiting on me and did the other two miles with me. I am happy to report even though I started running a minute late, I managed to get my 3.3 miles done in under 45 minutes which was a marked improvement over Day 2. What else is good to report is that I don't feel as "mashed up" as I did on Tuesday.

Day 3

2010-07-29T14:23:00.002+02:00

I woke with every intention of doing my morning run, even ate my morning snack. However I didn't get my schedule but remembered that in the running magazine it did have a half-marathon schedule (although it's for those who want to improve their time) and it listed today as another rest day (or rest and cross training) so I will do be doing yoga later.

Half marathon training day 2

2010-07-27T13:38:00.003+02:00

Yes, you read that right, half marathon training day 2. Incase you're wondering why we started off with 2, well it's because day 1 was a rest day. Gotta love when training starts with a rest day. So far so good.

My cousin seems to think (because she did her first marathon towards the end of last year) that *I* can do a half-marathon in November. Thankfully it's more about finishing it and saying you did it than anything because I'm told you can run/walk it, and that is the only motivation I have right now. I probably should be more positive, but right now I'm sitting at the end of the dining table tired and sweaty and it's not even 8am. Despite the tired and lovely sweaty feeling, I'm feeling pretty good.

Sunday morning I ran (a little, walked most of it... dratted anemia and low blood sugar) and we (mostly my cousin, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt as she knows more about this than I do) determined that I should learn to snack before I run that it would help with my energy level but also help with the gas (more on this in a bit). With that in mind, I set my alarm for 4:45am before I went to bed at 10pm (way early for me, but one needs to ensure that one gets enough sleep ya know).

I wasn't happy when the alarm went off but I did manage to get up and stumble about. By 5am I had a slice of potato bread (PSA: unlike most loaves of bread that can be frozen and thawed and consumed with subtle difference in texture, potato bread isn't one of those. Usually it is fairly light almost spongy in texture, well I can assure you it was anything but that this morning) with a thin layer of apple jelly and a small glass of some juice. In order to not pass back out (it was tempting) I watched a little television and got dressed and was out of the door by 6am.

The morning was thankfully cool, dark enough so people couldn't see the grimace on my face but light enough for any passing traffic to be able to see me. I considered wearing a reflecting belt however since it was a last minute thought I didn't have time to and look for it, but in retrospect since there wasn't a lot of traffic and it lightened up fairly quickly, I didn't need to worry about not having one.

One of my neighbours dogs (she looks to be a cross between a lab and a dalmation, picture a dalamation just brown instead of the white background) was out and about gave me heart failure, but she was sweet enough to accompany me on my laps this morning so that took my mind off of how crazy this is. From my mailbox, around the large block in the neighbourhood and back is 1.1 miles and since I had to do 3 miles today, I decided to run from my mailbox around a mile to my neighbours mailbox and then walked the .1 mile back to my mailbox. The first leg was really good and I made it back in under 15 minutes so that's pretty good for me. Towards the end of the first mile I started having a little bit of gas but it wasn't too bad and didn't last that long which I was happy about. I don't know what the problem is when I run, but it seems that within the first ten minutes, no matter whether I've eaten or not or just been to the bathroom, I always feel the urge to not only go and pee but also to start burping like I've just consumed 3 2-litres of soda. Well this morning thankfully I didn't feel the urge to talk to mother nature but as I mentioned, there was a little burping episode.

About halfway into the second mile it started to lighten up a little which was nice. It's funny to see how many people in my neighbourhood go to bed with all sorts of lights on in their respective houses. I half expected that the animals in the neighbourhood to be going crazy with my running but the only time they went a little nutty was when my company kept running by their fences.

Towards the end of the 3rd lap and I was ever so happy to see the mile marker (aka neighbours mailbox) as it was rather bright and all of the bugs decided to wake up and greet me. I could have done without that this morning I can assure you.

The only thought that crossed my mind in the 45 minutes I was running was not only to remember to breathe but where the heck am I going to run when I have longer distances to run. I could continue to run in my neighbourhood but I can only remember so many laps, 3 is good and I'm sure 5 is doable, but after a while I'll start forgetting which lap I'm on. One of the thoughts I had was to open my mailbox and put pennies inside and everytime I start another lap to toss a penny inside that way I know how many I have left to do. We shall see, but I gotta tell you, if I do that later on when the mileage goes up, I'll have to start running even earlier because it gets unreasonably hot here when the sun comes out.

My company wasn't happy when I said good morning and thanks but I was going home. I just hope she's out tomorrow morning. The neighbourhood I live in is a very sleepy one and one can feel reasonably safe but it's always a good thing to have company, even if it's in the form of a goofy playful dog. I don't think she would attack anyone but she would definitely let me know someone is around and that is probably more important.

I got back home this morning at 7:45, toasted 2 pieces of waffles added a little apple jelly, grabbed some water and made myself some tea. I thought I had my training schedule on this machine but I can't seem to find it, hopefully my cousin will send it to me again, otherwise I'm going to do 3 miles tomorrow morning and hope that's correct.

Off I go to consume some more water and see if I can't re-hydrate myself properly. There's also some powerade in the refrigerator so I may have 1/2 glass of that as I really don't care for those things. Something I discovered the other day, coconut water has more anti-oxidents than those sports drinks. I bought some coconut water (unfortunately it has all sorts of *other* ingredients in it) but I may save that for tomorrow.

Wilton Course 2 - Flowers and Borders

2010-02-24T02:50:00.005+01:00

Yes I realise that this says Course 2 and you didn't see any from course 1. Well, there's a reason for it. It didn't occur to me to take any photos until well after and by the time I had taken any photos I was just practising on the cake so it looks a bit overdone.

These are my birds and birdhouse done in Color Flow. It took me several tries to get this done. Mainly it was because the icing was too thick and it felt like trying to squeeze a softball. There is a slight white/snowy sheen on everything and it may be due to getting some (indirect) sunlight.

This is after I had done the basketweave around the side of the cake. I probably should have taken a photo before I started this but no one really wants to see the"dirty icing".

This is the top of the cake after the basketweave was completed. Thankfully it's not finished at this point as it doesn't look very good does it?

Basketweave and the rope. See how it hides the little imperfections?

Here I added some flowers that were made with Royal Icing. These things take 2 days to dry. The little ones on the left are violets, then a daisy, primrose and the yellow and purple one is the pansy.

There's a better look at the violet and pansy and to the left is a pink daffodil.

There's a better look at the daffodil and pansy.

And a yellow daffodil.

This time I added on one of the birds.

There's the other bird.

A moderately decorated top of the cake

Another angle of the cake

Yet another angle of the cake.

Valentines day and ...

2010-02-11T20:18:00.003+01:00

Today is the 11th of February and I had planned (maybe hopefully optimistic would have been a better description) to have these done weeks ago. As you can tell, that didn't happen.

Remember the card from a few weeks ago? Well my cousin liked it so much that she wanted one done for her boyfriend but she wanted it personalised (can you guess his name is David?). I found that rotating the images worked a lot better as those only look like squares and they're really not. This card ended up being bigger than the quarter sheet cards.

This is my attempt at a "manly" valentines card. It seems that I need to make cards at night and get up super early in the morning as there is a small window of time to take photos where one can make adequate usage of the sunlight (of course the weather isn't helping much either). As you can see from the shadow by 11am the cloud cover had started. Originally I thought to do black and red, however I found that the stamp I was using (to add colour to the embossing) looked more of a wine colour (it's listed as Blazing Red) so that's what happened, we went from Black and Red to Black and Wine.

This little gem is for Brat's Maths teacher. She had asked me to make a card for her teacher and I wanted something that didn't come across as too "lovey dovey", even though the teacher is female. So this is what I came up with. The inside simply states "Happy Valentines Day" however it's not the same elegant one you see in card #3.

Just when I had put away my "happy pregnancy" stamps do I get an email saying that one of my college roommates is pregnant. This pregnancy was one of those unplanned surprises (and for those of you who don't know or don't believe it, yes antibiotics does mess with birth control pills effectiveness and yes you CAN get pregnant... that's my PSA).

Valentines Cards 1 / Pregnancy Cards

2010-01-25T21:37:00.004+01:00

Well these are the cards that I did today. The first two aren't exactly Valentines cards, but since I wanted to get these out to the momma's to be, they were made and posted today.

This one was sent to my friend Erin in Germany. I bought the stamps with her in mind however since they don't know what they're having yet (lil one isn't cooperating come ultra sound time) and I didn't have a soft green, I went with yellow instead.

This one is for Kelly (Drew's wife) and as I understand, they're having a boy. I wanted to get this card out ASAP as I know they're due anytime soon. While I liked both pregnancy cards, I think the darker colour and the embossing stood out on this one best.

This is my first real attempt at using the postage type stamp. I'm not sure whether the bunny and love postage stamps are just a hair bit too big or what. Can you tell I like that word folder.

I just love this bunny. I tried to use the same colours that I used to colour the bunny for the rest of the card. Not too shabby if you ask me however pink is really not my colour.

Christmas Cards

2009-12-03T00:40:00.003+01:00

These are the Christmas cards I made and sent out.

I don't know why but the pictures on my computer and even on the camera itself looks better than what's on these pages. I wonder if I need to change it to make the pictures look more sharp.

Christmas Cards for Mom

2009-12-03T00:31:00.004+01:00

These are the Christmas cards I did for my mom.

Halloween Cards

2009-12-03T00:12:00.007+01:00

I'm a little behind in posting photos of the cards I've done in the last several months. Most of the stuff I've done has been to borrow others stamps and to do the face for cards more so than to make actual cards.

These are the ones I did for halloween. There are some stampers who can repeat the same design with the same colours for 30+ cards. While I admire their ability to do that, I like experimenting with colours and placement to keep me from getting too bored.

This weekend's creativity

2009-04-07T02:03:00.003+02:00

There are more cards but I can't get them to upload right now. I guess there will be yet another posting later. Grrr

My Baby

2009-03-05T00:03:00.002+01:00

So I'm in love with my new baby.

She's white

Ultra sleek 13"

Intelligent

Portable

Companionable

and best of all, fast.

I've had her for all of 2 days and even though I didn't get to play with her much initially, I more than made up for it yesterday and today. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Her initials are M.A.C. *grins*

So as I sit here, I remember why I dislike blogging. It's not the creative (or in my case, lack of) aspect, it's trying to put down the jumble that is in my brain into something that makes sense. I've always disliked writing, far too often I get caught up in the mechanics (which are always incorrect) to allow any sort of enjoyment come through.

A few minutes ago the chime went off on my phone telling me that I had received a new piece of email. The enjoyment of that lasted all of 2 seconds. Do I care that RGIS is hiring again? This is the same company that I had to wait around 3 days to schedule an interview for, all the while they kept bombarding my inbox with letters saying that they want me to pick a time. That is all well and good, however maybe someone should have updated their website to show something for us to choose. There was only one slot open of course so I had no choice but the kicker is that it was 2 weeks down the road. What annoys me most in retrospect is that the interview was on a Monday however late Friday evening I received an email from their HR department saying that they didn't have any more job openings in my area. Jimminy Crickets. So I phoned them up early Monday morning to be told that yes, that is correct they are focusing on the people they've already hired and what's even worse, the lady I was supposed to have an interview with wouldn't even be in for several more days. The gentleman on the phone assured me that they would keep my information and let me know when to set up an interview if they were doing another round of hirings in the near future.

It will be interesting to see whether I do indeed get a phone call or email from them, however I'm not sure whether I'd want to work for a company with those business practises. I did fill in a job application online on Monday for Books A Million, so we shall see if I hear anything from them. With all of this free time on my hands, you would think that I would write some piece of software to just populate the same fields that I keep seeing on all of these application forms. I haven't quite gone that route, instead I have been keeping depression at bay by sticking my nose in whatever book I'm currently reading. That is keeping me grounded thus far, nothing like a good book to transport one elsewhere.

Off to continue reading Undead and Unworthy by MaryJanice Davidson.

Creative juices started trickling

2009-01-04T04:23:00.004+01:00

Every time I know that I'm moving to a new city I always join some of the local groups online. Some of these groups are about support while others are informational. Right after I moved to Savannah I started looking for some sort of creative/artistic group to join, it was either that or get rid of all of the art supplies that I've been lugging around from place to place.

Several weeks ago I joined a local group and have traded emails with the group and individual members. Normally one can be quite suspect as people generally don't come off as friendly as they sound in words and after reading several times "they are a great group of gals" one only had to think that I was entering a den of piranha's and I was that day's unsuspecting meal. One of the ladies offered to pick me up and drive me to the meeting so that I would know how to get there and back. I can really appreciate someone who is self confident enough to write that they don't want to come off as a "crazy person", even jokingly.

I must say that K, the lady I met first was as nice and friendly as a person could hope for. Sometimes when you meet someone initially there is this halted silence where no one knows what to say next. That didn't happen. The ladies that I did meet today were all super friendly and not mis-represented at all. I will remember a few people from today, L, the two J's, K, B, D and a few others. I can't wait until next month. Funnily enough, they all think I'm quiet. That is just because I was trying to be productive and think. Just wait until they get to know be better. Hehehehehe

Anyway, I made a couple of Christmas cards and a couple of birthday cards. I really need to streamline what I want to make and then make sure I get stamps and papers to make those and then go from there. I am somewhat happy with the cards that I made today, I still have a few bits of tinkering and sprucing up to do but I will leave that for tomorrow or the next day. Depending on how comfortable I feel, I may take some photos of my work. Hopefully over a period of time I'll be able to see some improvement.

Hello 2009

2009-01-01T17:40:00.007+01:00

I guess I can't complain too much really about 2008. 2008 was brought in with family and friends (and a lot of food) although not exactly how I expected it and saw 2008 out with family and friends (and didn't eat as much as I did the last NYE).

The last year has seen a lot of ups and downs (more than your average rollercoaster ride) and I am thankful that it is over with. Far too much money was spent on travelling. Between going back and forth to see my father since his release from the hospital after his stroke and accompanying him to FL for his checkups and a couple of side trips here and there (Amsterdam, I'm coming back to see you). But in retrospect I wouldn't have changed a dime of it. It just means that I'm broke and have to go back to work, not to mention that I am sure my brain has shriveled up with not having been working. I am hoping that will change soon enough.

I made some new friends last year, got reaquainted with some old ones and managed to see others I hadn't seen in what feels like forever. That isn't to say that I haven't lost touch with some, whether that is good or bad is still yet to be determined, but some of those have been quite painful for one reason or another. Deep down I'm not ready analyse why that is.

One thing I will equate with 2008 is loss. I don't know if it is because I've been paying more attention or whether it was just that profound because they were so close together but more than any other year it's been a rather painful year for me with friends dying.

So while I'm clearing out the remnants of 2008, I am hoping that 2009 will be better.

Books I read in 2008 (100):
More than a mistress - Mary Balogh
The Broker - John Grisham
Infidel - Ayaan Hirsi Ali
Second Chance - Danielle Steel
No Humans Involved - Kelley Armstrong
Haunted - Kelley Armstrong
Charmed and Dangerous - Candace Havens
A Man to call my own - Johanna Lindsey
Marriage most Scandalous - Johanna Lindsey
Christmas Wishes - Debbie Macomber
Dead Girls are Easy - Terri Garey
Every Which way but dead - Kim Harrison
72 Hour Hold - Bebe Moore Campbell
A Darker Shade of Crimson - Pamela Thomas-Graham
Lilith's Dream - Whitley Strieber
Bitten - Kelley Armstrong
Target Underwear and a Vera Wang Gown - Adena Halpern
The Golden Compass - Philip Pullman
The Ravenscar Dynasty - Barbara Taylor Bradford
Catering to Nobody - Diane Mott Davidson
Dime Store Magic - Kelley Armstrong
Consent to Kill - Vince Flynn
You've been warned - James Patterson
Industrial Magic - Kelley Armstrong
Never Seduce a Scoundrel - Sabrina Jeffries
A Year of Pleasures - Elizabeth Berg
A Fistful of Charms - Kim Harrison
The Interruption of Everything - Terry McMillan
Dead until Dark - Charlaine Harris
Carpe Demon - Julie Kenner
The Dark River - John Twelve Hawks
The Devil who tamed her - Johanna Lindsey
The Fifth Vial - Michael Palmer
Broken - Kelley Armstrong
Living Dead in Dallas - Charlaine Harris
I Heard that song before - Mary Higgins Clark
The Hindi-Bindi Club - Monica Pradham
Pandora's Daughter - Iris Johansen
Do you promise not to tell - Carol Higgins Clark
The Oath - John Lescroart
The Wedding Night of an English Rogue - Jillian Hunter
Trace - Patricia Cornwell
Origin - Diana Abu-Jaber
Venus - Jane Feather
Bungalow 2 - Danielle Steel
Shadow Prey - John Sandford
Chosen Prey - John Sandford
The Hanged Man's song - John Sandford
The Appeal - John Grisham
Sizzle and Burn - Jayne Ann Krentz
Strangers in Death - JD Robb
Personal Demon - Kelley Armstrong
The Outlaw Demon Wails - Kim Harrison
Second Sight - Amanda Quick
The Accidental Pope - Raymond Flynn
White Lies - Jayne Ann Krentz
Unnatural Exposure - Patricia Cornwell
The Last Precinct - Patricia Cornwell
Yours Until Dawn - Teresa Medeiros
Quicksand - Iris Johansen
Blood Noir - Laurell K Hamilton
A Lick of Frost - Laurell K Hamilton
Blow Fly - Patricia Cornwell
Veil of Roses - Laura Fitzgerald
The Accidental Vampire - Lynsay Sands
Vampires are Forever - Lynsay Sands
Nobody's Baby - Jane Toombs
Millionaire and the Mom - Patricia Kay
The Kiss - Elda Minger
Hot Stuff - Janet Evanovich
Mine Till Midnight - Lisa Kleypas
Firestorm - Iris Johansen
Too Many Brothers - Roz Denny Fox
Lord of Sin - Madeline Hunter
Bloodlines - Dinah McCall
Behind Closed Doors - Shannon McKenna
Edge of Midnight - Shannon McKenna
Who Wants to be a Sex Goddess - Gemma Bruce
Who Loves Ya, Baby? - Gemma Bruce
Twilight - Stephenie Meyer
New Moon - Stephenie Meyer
Eclipse - Stephenie Meyer
Engaging Men - Lynda Curnyn
All I want for Christmas is a Vampire - Kerrelyn Sparks
Lost Lady - Jude Devereaux
Night's Master - Amanda Ashley
Unleash the Night - Sherrilyn Kenyon
The Dream-Hunter - Sherrilyn Kenyon
A Bite to Remember - Lynsay Sands
Vampire, Interrupted - Lynsay Sands
The Alexandria Link - Steve Berry
Standing in Shadows - Shannon McKenna
One Silent Night - Sherrilyn Kenyon
Acheron - Sherrilyn Kenyon
Devil May Cry - Sherrilyn Kenyon
Blood Brothers - Nora Roberts
Hotter Than Hell - Kim Harrison
Once Bitten, Twice Shy - Jennifer Rardin
The Hollow - Nora Roberts
The Becoming - Jeanne C. Stein

I went to the pig farm today.

2008-05-26T01:58:00.003+02:00

Piggies!

Review of 2007

2008-01-01T18:36:00.000+01:00

Once again I can't believe that we're into another year. More than any other year in the last 5, this last one had some very high highs and some very low lows.

On the low end of the spectrum was my father's stroke near Halloween which caused me to spend over a month in Miami at the Hospital with him. While I am fortunate to have been able to spend the time there with him I would have rather spent quality father-daughter time under different circumstances. Which brings me to the highs...

My highest highs were my parents visiting this summer and our usual travelling. Not to mention when R and I went to Budapest and Athens. I got back in touch with some friends I hadn't heard from in years, some of which are like family so that was fairly exhilirating. Some of the renewal of friendships were due to my father's stroke. There is nothing like hearing from people all over the planet who you've known for most of your life calling you up to see how you're holding up and even coming to visit (was really just luck more so than flying out specifically). I was also able to meet one of the people who I have spent untold hours online chatting to, and that was an unbelievable experience. Sometimes it's heartening to know that you can get along with someone offline as well as online. I guess it just means I'll be talking to them that much more.

While I think I may have missed some, here are the books I read in 2007 (50).
Creation in Death - J.D. Robb
The Royal Mess - MaryJanice Davidson
Dance of the Gods - Nora Roberts
Morrigan's Cross - Nora Roberts
Anansi Boys - Neil Gaiman
The Truth about the Tycoon - Allison Leigh
The Unlikely Father - Cynthia Thomason
The Millionaire's Cinderella Wife - Lilian Darcy
The Borrowed Ring - Gina Wilkins
Season of the Witch - Natasha Mostert
Wildcard - Rachel Lee
H.r.H. - Danielle Steel
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
At Risk - Stella Rimington
The 6th Target - James Patterson
The Harlequin - Laurell K Hamilton
A Fine Night for Dying - Jack Higgins
Just Rewards - Barbara Taylor Bradford
The Secret Supper - Javier Sierra
Taming the Tiger Within - Thich Nhat Hanh
Exile - Richard North Patterson
Undead and Uneasy - MaryJanice Davidson
Step on a Crack - James Patterson
Single in Suburbia - Wendy Wax
The Year of Yes - Maria Headley
The Bright Side of Disaster - Katherine Center
Burnt Sienna - David Morrell
The River Knows - Amanda Quick
Simply Unforgettable - Mary Balogh
My Three Husbands - Swan Adamson
My Spy - Christina Skye
To Distraction - Stephanie Laurens
Two Little Girls in Blue - Mary Higgins Clark
Without Sin - Charles Smithdeal
False Impression - Jeffrey Archer
Fortune's Fool - Mercedes Lackey
Dead Witch Walking - Kim Harrison
For a Few Demons More - Kim Harrison
The Good, The Bad, and the Undead - Kim Harrison
Sleeping Beauty - Phillip Margolin
The Traitor - Stephen Coonts
Stalemate - Iris Johansen
Mistral's Kiss - Laurell K Hamilton
The Book of Names - Jill Gregory & Karen Tintori
Honeymoon - James Patterson
Shopaholic & Sister - Sophie Kinsella
Dearly Devoted Dexter - Jeff Lindsay
Darkly Dream Dexter - Jeff Lindsay
Love Walked In - Marisa de los Santos
Strange Candy - Laurell K Hamilton

Photographs

2007-09-16T15:12:00.000+02:00

Me hiding from the wind at Brandenburg Gate (Berlin, Germany)

Castel Sant' Angelo (Rome, Italy)

The following photos are taken in the town where I live.

A view of the bridge

Random Picture

2007-08-25T12:03:00.000+02:00

Picture of me and the waiter my first night in Rome.

More Random Pictures from Italy

2007-08-22T10:47:00.000+02:00

Random Pictures from Italy

2007-08-22T10:46:00.000+02:00

Review of 2006

2007-01-04T17:25:00.000+01:00

2006 was mostly a good year for me. I learnt a lot about myself, more than I probably wanted to know, but hey, we're not all perfect.

I've made several new online friends this past year and not all of them were as they seemed. While I don't think they're inherrently dishonest, I think that sometimes we all put our best foot forward and that in itself can be quite deceiving. We all have our good points and our bad points and to almost negate the bad ones, well that's what the issue is.

I think that online I tend to be a little less circumspect with those people I choose to spend my time with. I guess that's because I'm not getting the non-verbal cues that help me decide. Due to that, I can spend a lot of time with someone before finally getting the picture and then sometimes it's hard to just back away without it being too noticeable.

Several months ago (I swear it felt like weeks) my gf T and I were talking about how we judge people. That we judge people by our own standards (yeah, who else are we gonna judge them by) and yet we are disappointed when people don't (or can't) live up to them. That doesn't mean that these people are all bad, just means that we wouldn't make the choices they've made. Whether that's because of our past experiences, moral convictions or what. Sometimes it just makes these people less desirable as friends in our eyes and yet there's something inherently sad about that. We can't always surround ourselves with carbon copies of ourselves, I know that for one, I'd get sick of myself. *grins*

This last year has made me realise a lot of things about people in general. Even as adults we can still behave like high schoolers. That sometimes we don't live by the golden rule, or maybe the golden rule has clauses that only we know about. It's sad that the things that should draw us closer tends to push us far away from one another.

So this year I must say I've been thankful for the friends I started off 2006 with and ended 2006 with. I'm thankful for family that I've gotten to know better in 2006 and still strive to continue to know. I'm thankful for the people who've listened to me bitch and moan and don't think I'm a witch all of the time. For those people who don't let me take myself too seriously and have the courage to tell me that.

While I think I may have missed some, here are the books I read in 2006 (98).

Bride for a Night - Patti Berg
Weekend Warriors - Fern Michaels
Undead and Unemployed - MaryJanice Davidson
Undead and Unappreciated - MaryJanice Davidson
Undead and Unreturnable - MaryJanice Davidson
Undead and Unpopular - MaryJanice Davidson
Chill of Fear - Kay Hooper
Agatha Raisin and the Love from Hell - M.C. Beaton
A Most uncommon degree of popularity - Kathleen Gilles Seidel
Shopaholic ties the knot - Sophie Kinsella
When Bruce met Cyn - Lori Foster
Amber Room - Steve Berry
Jane Austen in Boca - Paula Marantz Cohen
Death of a Nag - M.C. Beaton
Hunting Fear - Kay Hooper
Hot Ice - Cherry Adair
Baby Proof - Emily Giffin
Micah - Laurell K Hamilton
Sleeping with Fear - Kay Hooper
Agatha Raisin and the love from Hell - M.C. Beaton
To Have and to hold - Jane Green
Simply Love - Mary Balough
24-Karat Kids - Judy Goldstein & Sebastian Stuart
Danse Macabre - Laurell K Hamilton
Rosie Dunne - Cecelia Ahern
Some Nerve - Jane Heller
In the Mood - Suzanne MacPherson
My favorite husband - Pam McCutcheon
Double Standards - Judith McNaught
Baby don't go - Susan Andersen
Almost a lady - Jane Feather
Tallchief - Sharon Sala
It's in his kiss - Julia Quinn
Undead and unwed - Mary Janice Davidson
Almost like being in love - Christina Dodd
Are you afraid of the dark? - Sidney Sheldon
Marker - Robin Cook
Blood Memory - Greg Iles
In the Mood - Suzanne Macpherson
A Stroke of Midnight - Laurell K Hamilton (re-read)
Prior Bad Acts - Tami Hoag
State of the Union - Brad Thor
Retribution - Jillian Hoffman
The Fairy Godmother - Mercedes Lackey
Falling Awake - Jayne Ann Krentz
Council - Greg Tobin
One Good Knight - Mercedes Lackey
Conclave - Greg Tobin
Confessions of a Shopaholic - Sophie Kinsella
Match me if you can - Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Rage - Jonathan Kellerman
Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
Good In Bed- Jennifer Weiner
Blowback - Brad Thor
The Rule Of Four - Ian Caldwell, Dustin Thomason
Bookends - Jane Green
The Undomestic Goddess - Sophie Kinsella
Little Earthquakes - Jennifer Weiner
Adored - Tilly Bagshawe
Can You Keep A Secret - Sophie Kinsella
All Night Long - Jayne Ann Krentz
Ice Queen - Alice Hoffman
Breaking Point - Suzanne Brockmann
Capitol Murder - William Bernhardt
5th Horseman- James Patterson
Lie by Moonlight - Amanda Quick
Perfect Nightmare - John Saul
Glory in Death - J.D. Robb (re-read)
Naked in Death - J.D. Robb (re-read)
If you could see me now - Cecelia Ahern
Lovers and Players - Jackie Collins
At First Sight - Nicholas Sparks
Truth or Dare - Jayne Ann Krentz
Love and Other Impossible Pursuits - Ayelet Waldman
Lipstick Jungle - Candace Bushnell
The Surgeon - Tess Gerritsen
The Traveler - John Twelve Hawks
The Sinner - Tess Gerritsen
On The Run - Iris Johansen
The Wizard of London- Mercedes Lackey
Anyone But You - Jennifer Crusie
Metro Girl - Janet Evanovich
The Camel Club - David Baldacci
Heartbreaker - Julie Garwood
4th of July - James Patterson
Slow Burn - Julie Garwood
Vanish - Tess Gerritsen
Death du Jour - Kathy Reichs
White Hot - Sandra Brown
Nighttime is my Time - Mary Higgins Clark
Devil's Corner - Lisa Scottoline
The Price of Silence - Kate Wilhelm
The Fire Rose - Mercedes Lackey
Countdown - Iris Johansen
Kill the Messenger - Tami Hoag
Eldest - Christopher Paolini
Drums of Autumn - Diana Gabaldon
Eragon - Christopher Paolini

Happy New Year

2007-01-03T21:53:00.000+01:00

I can't believe that it's been 6 months since I last posted. While I know it's been a LONG while, I can't believe it's been almost 6 months. Where has the time flown to?

I'm still here and still somewhat sane, which really is somewhat of an achievement given last year. All I will say is, I know what the "seven year itch" is all about.

I kind of dropped the ball after September 2006 and I guess I never really picked it back up, shame on me.

While I'm still reading, not as voraciously as I normally am, I haven't quite kept up with my listing as I should have. I will try and do better this year.

2/3 of my Christmas cards were sent out and the other 1/3 still haven't gotten cards (not even written or addressed or any of that good jazz). They will be getting regular cards (if I can find them) with pictures of the little one (that's all I'm waiting on really, to do that).

I did buy birthday cards (in October sometime) to send out for this year, but for the life of me I can't find them. I did look some but I need to look some more.

I'm on a hunt for a digital camera. While I'd love to digital slr, somehow I find it's not feasible at this juncture. Thurgil was nice enough to suggest one, only thing that was mentioned as being a cause for concern are the quality of pictures taken in low light. Still looking doing research (more like pulling my hair to see how far/hard I can pull it before it comes out) and welcome any suggestions.

Reflection

2006-06-13T16:46:00.000+02:00

As I gaze into the pond that is life, all of the beauty and wonders that is nature frame the bewitching eyes below.

The eyes bespell and create a sense of confusion in me. I want to look away, but I dare not. Just who am I looking at, myself or someone else.

The reflection doesn't look like me, but it feels like me, it feels like home.

*written 2006*

Recently I've made some new online friends. Do I feel the need to qualify that they're online as opposed to local, of course not. However I do feel that online friends tend to be in a completely different calibre than the everyday run of the mill people I encounter. Is this good or bad, no, just different.

For me I tend to put up with more garbage from people in my immediate surroundings than I ever would from people online. Is that a bad thing, certainly not. It just means that I tend to be less "true" to me. Of course this mostly has been since I've been married. The marriage has nothing to do with it per se, just that being that my spouse is in the military, you never know who you'll see again and it can be more like being back in high school with the "I can't be friends with you cuz my friend doesn't like you".

Okay where am I going with this. I don't know if it is the age gap or something else, but I find that most of the people in my immediate locality (wherever that may be) and I have very little in common. Apart from the fact that we live in the same area is the only thing that brings us together. Would I choose those same people as friends in another situation, certainly not. This isn't to say that these are bad people, because they're not. The situation being what it is, I deal with the cards that are dealt and make the most of it.

This brings me back to my new online friends. These are people I choose to talk to (although I'm sure at times they'd rather I talk less) and we have "real" conversations about "real" things and not the "what are we drinking tonight and where are we going". While the latter is appropriate on occasion, it gets old after the 10th day in a row.

So thank you to MJ, Fi and BW (order in which I met you) for reviving my belief that even though it's rarely come by (for me at least) there are people out there who you can make a connection with.

Miffed...

2006-06-05T14:54:00.000+02:00

Weather is still dreary. Slowly getting better.

AFN isn't going to air any of the worldcup games. Hoping I can get to see at least one game live *shrugs*.

Have 36 disks of 42 left to catalogue. These are Rob's music, so I'm finding a few songs that I'll put in my MP3 player.

New computer and laptop are now on the wireless network. Too bad we can't see each other.

Have spare room/office to organize. Basement looks a lot better than it did 3 weeks ago.

Time certainly flies

2006-06-02T08:21:00.000+02:00

It is hard to believe that it's been over 2 months since I last blogged. Where does the time fly?

In the last couple of months:
The computer that I had to resurrect after hubby deployed finally died.

Had to buy another one, that was some feat considering I'm in Germany and selections are quite limited (esp if you're German is poor).

Mad preparations were done in preparation of hubby and his company returning from deployment. Preparations were done both at home, at the company and a few other places.

Some of the same issues I had with B upon her father's departure resurfaced with about the same time frame as his return. While I did excuse a lot of it (erm, too much probably) when he initially left, there were no excuses to be had upon his return.

Weather had finally started to warm up and the sun was shiny, now it's gotten cold, overcast and dreary again. It's supposed to be a high of 59F and a low of 44F today with marginally warmer temperatures through Tuesday. I don't know what is going on. First it started to warm up, then there were sheets of yellow everywhere (pollen like it was going out of style). Now there's less pollen and more icky weather.

Thankful...

2006-04-01T21:26:00.000+02:00

As you well know, it's been a while since I've been around to update regularly. It's not that I don't have the time but it's the desire that is the problem. I sit back and think to myself about who is (or isn't) going to read this and it being a waste of time and then I realise that I'm doing this for me. The fact that someone reads or even comments is quite incidental and more of a plus than a requirement.

I've been going to the gym with my neighbours for about 3 weeks now. Something always seems to happen that means instead of the 3 times a week workout, it always ends up being twice a week. This week was no different.

After Wednesday's workout we went to the dining facility to eat. I had a $20 bill with me but when I went to pay, I could only find a $1 bill. Thankfully Sara loaned me $2 so I was able to eat lunch with them. The other lady we we work out with found my $20 later on after we got home so on Thursday I went to get change for Sara. While I was doing that Sara got involved in some sort of crisis.

While I won't go into details about this other person's crisis, I just want to say that I'm thankful for being mentally healthy. I cannot even imagine having to take medications to keep me sane and functional. The fact that some of those medications may have side effects that aren't listed that can make life intolerable is something else. While I feel sympathy for this other person, I am thankful that it is one of those things that I don't have to worry about.

This could have all been avoided if said medical professionals had listened when she explained before. Somehow I would hope that if she pressed the issue and refused to accept their answer that it would have happened differently, but I doubt it. I just hope that from now on, that these same people really listen when their patients tell them something.

Gym Naps

2006-03-22T17:40:00.000+01:00

For the last 3 weeks I've been going to the gym 2x a week instead of three and this week is no different.

I figured out that when I get home from the gym and have a nice hot bath, the only thing I want to do after that is sleep. So today I figured I'd try something different. I went and had a decent shower and washed my hair and settled down with my lunch and my book. The next thing I know I'm drifting off to sleep. Go figure.

Had a fairly decent workout today. I did upper body workout, 20 minutes on the treadmill (with about a minute of jogging) and then 20 minutes on the bike along with 2 sets of stretches. I guess the run got my heart rate up good as I was sweating furiously after that.

Doesn't help that today it snowed briefly. It ended up being rather chilly outside today that when we walked into the gym we were cold. That didn't last for long. After that job I was sweating buckets and buckets.

Oh happy day

2006-03-21T12:56:00.000+01:00

Well today has been a good day.

I went to the library and I got all but 1 book that's on my reading list (I need to get this list smaller).

From there I went by the post office and not only did I get mail, but my cargo pants came in (need to return the other one), a netflix came in and also I got a card from a friend. Yippee!

One of my favourite days.

2006-03-17T08:20:00.000+01:00

I love St. Paddy's day, have a happy and safe one.

Food

2006-03-16T08:00:00.000+01:00

No matter what the conversation starts off with, before the end of the conversation is over, the subject of food always comes up.

I love food, I love talking about food, I love trying new food. For me, food is to be enjoyed, savoured, relished, not something to wolf down as you're running from one place to the next.

As I was reading the email from my mother this morning, she mentioned going to Bayside for dinner last night. Normally when she tells me about where she's going for dinner, she has to tell me where it is or what the restaurant used to be called before as things are always changing, restaurants moreso.

I would have to say, my all time favourite type of restaurant is Indian. While I'm of Chinese descent and have been raised eating Chinese food, I don't like most Chinese restaurants. As most people who know me could tell you, I'm a food snob. I find that the more popular chinese restaurants do not serve authentic chinese food. Presumably making slight variations to appeal to the masses is what drives these restaurants. While I can understand that and appreciate that they have families to feed and clothe, I don't have to frequent such establishments.

In 1999 I had to go to Baltimore for a work-related conference and I was lucky enough to have a friend who lived in Baltimore. One of the places he took me to was The Helmand restaurant which serves Afghan food. I can still remember my first taste of the dish I had and how it melted in my mouth and it was the best tasting thing I'd ever had. I still rave about that restaurant and I know if I'm ever in the Baltimore area that's the first place I'd go. It is too bad that the restaurant hasn't figured out a way package their food for shipment as I'd be ordering constantly. Several weeks later I receive a package from Amazon, this same friend had sent me an Afghan cookbook.

Last year during Lent, one of my friends took me to an Ethiopian restaurant in Tuscon. She had been there before and had raved about the food. Since I'm up for trying different cuisines off we went. While being somewhat sparsely decorated, Zemam's more than made up for in food. It was quite a bit different eating with only ones fingers but believe me, I soon relished not being hindered by utensils. After I got home that evening I went looking up recipes. Unfortunately I haven't been brave enough to try them yet.

So this brings me full circle to this restaurant. In my email to my mother today I told her that everytime I'd been to that location, there was always a different restaurant there and I can't figure out why (apart from some traffic issues) it doesn't do better. Maybe they should have a different kind of restaurant there. Their menu should have a few regular items but a change of cuisine maybe once a month. Maybe have a guest chef in for a week or two to cook different types of food. I can't speak for all chefs but I would think that maybe a good way to see the world. The cuisines I can see right now would be something like Indian, Ethiopian, Moroccan, Afghan, Korean, Middle Eastern etc.

I know that as long as it wasn't terribly expensive, I'd go to that restaurant. Sometimes there's a comfort in knowing ahead of time what you'll order, but other times it's nice to have a different change of pace.

Feelings...

2006-03-15T08:38:00.000+01:00

I've been feeling a little out of it.

Not sick kind of out of it, just as though I'm levitating and I can't seem to be on solid ground.

Today has been a week since I've started going to the gym. Still not quite pleased with the early morning activity but it certainly is starting my days off alright. I guess part of my annoyance is that it's cold out. I feel kind of silly walking into the gym with a coat and sweat pants on, only to have to change them before I work out. It's too cold outside to do otherwise.

Some days I feel like a boat drifting out to sea, no land in sight and no oars to propel me in one direction or another. Today is a drifing day. I guess I need to find something to fulfill each day so I'm not drifting. Yesterday I made pizza from scratch, finished up my book and was quite leisurely. Makes me give serious consideration to going back to work, if only so I don't lose my mind.

More tax annoyance

2006-03-13T14:12:00.000+01:00

After emailing the husband the tax details and getting him to proof it. I figured I was ready go to. Only to find out that since I'm in Germany, that I would have to pay to get my taxes filed because while we're over here none of the companies that are offering free state filing cover the APO's.

Ended up having to use another company and entered all of the details there. While it was relatively painless, the one thing I don't like is that it doesn't show you your 1040 so you can see what went wrong. Good news is that it came up with the same figure so that's a bonus.

So the taxes have been sent off, or so that software says. Still have time, if I don't get our refunds in before April 15th, then I'll have to pay and resubmit them using the original company.

Tax fun

2006-03-11T14:39:00.000+01:00

Well I've spent as long on my taxes as I'm going to this year. Yes I know it's March 11th and normally I would have filed my taxes a while back (and spent the return) however with moving and my last employer sending my W-2 to the wrong place, it has taken some time to get all of the ducks in a row.

I swear just when I think I have the entire filing tax situation sorted out, not only do they change things, but our W-2s end up with more stuff. Oh well, next year should be interesting.

Not been doing a lot. There are things I should be doing, but no motivation is forthcoming. Managed to start going to the gym so while I feel better, I'm tired earlier, go figure.

Also been hanging out with my neighbours which has been interesting to say the least but I won't go into it. Definately considering going vegetarian, but we'll see.

Hoping the weather here in Germany continues to warm up. Not looking forward to the floods associated with the melting but am looking forward to warmer weather.

AFN confusion

2006-02-28T12:30:00.000+01:00

Well yesterday was a pretty good day.

KellyJ and I went and bummed around the DEZ mail yesterday, she was looking for boots and I was looking for cargo pants. She saw several pairs, unfortunately the ones within her price range were the wrong size but she didn't let it get her down. I remember seeing one pair of cargo pants and they were €59.99. Needless to say it was left on the rack. Who in their right mind would pay USD60.00 for a pair of cotton cargo pants much less USD74.00 (equiv of €59.99).

We did see a couple of other things that I may get after we get paid tomorrow. Maybe going on Saturday would be a better idea than going on Thursday but we shall see. May end up returning on Friday as that may be a better day for all.

Girlchild was fairly good yesterday, but we did spend several hours at my neighbour's house just chilling out. I guess I shouldn't complain about how long she takes to do her homework as the child next door was still doing hers when we left and it's doubtful whether they'll finish before bed time.

AFN has changed its programming ever so slightly so I'm all sorts of confused. I guess I'll have to ensure that I never run out of books to read.

My amazon book list (of to read items) is nearing 200 now. I'm sure I'll get more book recommendations before it's brought back below 100. Heh.

Food for thought - Lethal Injections

2006-02-26T11:30:00.000+01:00

Some days I'm not quite sure how I feel about lethal injections and the death penalty. On one hand, what gives anyone the right to end someone's life and on the other hand, some criminals can't be rehabilitated but is it fair for the tax payers to have to pay for the criminals to remain behind bars until they expire?

Of course with the prevalence of DNA and discovering that the wrong people have been incarcerated, that just throws another spanner in the works. Where do you stop?

This morning as I was doing my normal internet rounds, I came across this article: Death Penalty

In a nut shell it talks about fighting lethal injection because that form of execution may be painful. Quite honestly, should we care? Should the fact that people who commited horrendous crimes be spared pain. Did they even give a thought to their victims or the victims family how pain they've inflicted.

Maybe the threat of pain as part of their final punishment will be a deterrent.

Let it never be said...

2006-02-22T16:16:00.000+01:00

that my life is unexciting.

Monday was a holiday and Tuesday was a teachers in-service day so the kids had a 4-day weekend.

I dread 3-day weekends and 4-day weekends with a passion. It is not that I don't enjoy spending the weekend with the girlchild, however it always ends up that we're at odds with one another. The more days off she has in a row, the more likely she is to irritate me as she can't find enough things to do to occupy her time.

With that being said, I was thinking of going to the mall in Regensburg on Saturday. Sunday was going to be a chill out day as Monday I was to take my neighbour to have her brakes worked on and then possibly head to Wurzburg on Tuesday.

Life being what it is, it didn't turn out that way. Apparently my neighbour was going pottery shopping in Poland and wanted me to watch her daughter on Saturday night as she was leaving in the wee hours of Saturday morning and wouldn't return until the wee hours of Sunday morning. I ended up with both kids on Friday and Saturday night and they more or less entertained each other which was a big help.

Monday morning started off as planned and was going rather well. At 5:30 I left to take my neighbour to go and pick up her car. It's amazing just how quickly it can go from having a little bit of light left to being completely dark.

The road we were coming back on was dark, narrow and winding, not to mention having 3 icy spots. My neighbour slid through the first one, braked for the second one and by the time she hit the third one she had lost control of car and ended up spinning it around and turning it over on the embankment. Thankfully she didn't have a scratch on her, but she was in shock for a while. I guess we'd been gone about 3 hours with waiting for the Polizei and ADAC to show up.

Due to the wreck, she'd asked me on Tuesday morning if I would take her to Amberg to pick up her rental. I figured that my plans for that day was shot so I went to the post office instead with the intention of getting something done that day.

Turns out that where I was in Amberg was only 20 minutes from Vilseck so I drove there instead of having to waste gas and go there today. After much deliberation and going back and forth, I ended up with:

A Hamilton Beach Stand Mixer. It ended up being the same price as a regular hand mixer and I had been talking about a stand mixer for a while (although I'm still going to buy a Kitchenaid one).

All in all it wasn't a bad 4-day weekend, I feel badly for my neighbour that she wrecked her car but otherwise I think it all went okay.

Days are a flying by

2006-02-17T21:44:00.000+01:00

I can't believe it's been that long since I was here. Boy the time has flown.

Lots of things with the girlchild have been happening, some of it good and some of it bad. Par for the course really.

The last couple of days have been quite enjoyable. I've reconnected with my friend KJ and we've spent the last couple of days hanging out. Sometimes there's nothing like just spending a couple of hours talking and getting to know someone. It's been a while since I've done that. Normally I get to know someone through IMs as one or both of us are quite busy or through the exchange of emails. I'd forgotten just how enjoyable it is doing it the old fashioned way.

There are tentative plans in the works for Tuesday as the kids have a 4-day. Heaven help me.

In awe of beauty...

2006-02-09T07:44:00.000+01:00

As a child growing up in the Caribbean, the first snow I'd ever seen apart from what was on the television set was the summer of my 14th year when I was fortunate to spend a month in England and Scotland. At the time we were told that it was the coldest August on record but from the lake district we could see snow on the caps of the mountains. To this day, whenever I see snow, I can still remember the very first time I saw it and how I felt.

If I am quite honest with myself, I love the snow. The purity, the feeling of warmth that it generates within me. The seemingly haphazard way that flakes fall and the sensation one gets when a flake falls on your nose and melts.

The little town I live in has a bridge right on the outside of the town that you have to cross. The river that runs beneath it is all covered with white and the swans have gone to find less solid parts of the river.

Since I have been in Germany it's been more white than green but I can't wait to see what spring holds. It's been snowing every day since Saturday although not for the entire day either. I can't imagine that in another month, month and a half that it will be all gone.

Busy busy busy

2006-02-02T13:05:00.000+01:00

The computer still isn't up and running and to be quite honest I've been too busy to actually if it is working now. Unfortunately when one is busy, some things tend to suffer.

Had a great weekend in Garmisch, going to Prague on Sunday so I'm quite looking forward to that. Pictures (on disposable) didn't come out too great which is quite disappointing esp since those things aren't really cheap. Will have to remember to keep a camera with me at all times instead of toting around one of those blasted disposables. Lesson learned!

Hubby called on our anniversary, can't believe it's been 6 yrs already and we're into the 7th year. Egads where does the time fly.

This week is my Conversational German class. The class is only for 2 hours a day but that is just as well as the amount of stuff to learn is mindboggling. Right now I'm having issues with the definate articles (the) and today's mind blowing subject was telling time. More on that another time. Must head home now.

Darn Computer

2006-01-30T14:49:00.000+01:00

Computer at home isn't working.

Had a great time this weekend at my trip. Took lots of pictures (see above note) with the digital camera.

Going to Prague on Sunday, will take more pictures then.

Really busy this week as girlchild has gotten suspended from riding the bus (more later).

New Fangled Things

2006-01-26T11:35:00.000+01:00

Even before moving to Germany I gave serious thought to purchasing a digital camera. The digital camera I currently have is quite old (puts images on a 3.5" floppy) however still works really well (although I find the pictures come out a bit dark). I've asked almost everyone I know what kind of digital camera they have, I've read so many consumer reports and countless reviews that after being bogged down with information I was almost back to square one.

After talking with my friend Jin I realised that one of the main reasons for my wanting a digital camera is to send photos out with the shortest turnaround time. It had nothing to do with my wanting a new gadget or how cheap it will end up being in the long run. To be quite honest I enjoy my 35mm camera and I love taking pictures. There is no equal to opening your photo package and seeing what your photographs look like. To me it is almost like mini presents all year round (so much for instant gratification right). So after several emails to and from my mother and husband I shelved the idea indefinately, or so I thought.

Two days later my husband sends me an email telling me to get a digital camera. Of course I respond saying that I wasn't going to get one but I appreciated his support. The response was short, swift and sweet. Apparently the enthusiasm at the thought of buying one was infectuous that now he wanted one and really wanted me to purchase two, one for me and one for him. I guess this tour in Iraq is quite different from his last one and it feels more like he wants me to "see" certain things that are there. When I was visiting my mother, she showed me a book that she had been given. In this rather large book were pictures. These were ordinary pictures, but then again, not quite so ordinary. The book was organized alphabetically and there was a two-page spread for every country on this planet. There was one main picture and about 4 or 5 other smaller ones, each depicting something different. It wasn't unusual to see a photograph of one well-known place and yet others may not be as well known. I know that I may never be lucky enough to travel to Afghanistan but I still remember the photograph of a Mosque that was in that book. Words cannot adequately describe the beauty of that building. Despite what is happening in the sandbox, I know that there are some gorgeous, breath takingly scenic views to be had. But I digress.

After much deliberation and many emails back and forth, I decided to buy a digital camera (Samsung). Oh my word, talk about confusing. My camera of preference is a manual 35mm and I'm used to setting the camera up depending on what sort of scene I'm taking. Knowing that was only a drop in the bucket. Trying to figure out how and where to set all of this stuff up on this digital is a job for a rocket scientist. With that being said, I'm sure many people have bought this camera in the past, left everything on auto and called it a day. Unfortunately that isn't me.

Anyway the digital camera has been tinkered with a little bit. I just hope I remember everything for when I go to shoot the first picture. Now I just need to remember to take it with me tomorrow. I'll take some photos with it, hope for the best and then send the camera to the husband.

Can you say brrrr?

2006-01-25T16:16:00.000+01:00

This all started on Sunday night when my neighbour Barbara came by to borrow some last minute things for her daughter's homework. Barbara and I had a short discussion about our respective kids homework and the last thing she mentioned to me before she headed back next door was to say that she'd heard on the news prior to coming over that sometime this week we are to expect a cold front.

I didn't think anything more of until late last night when my friend from Regensburg (about 25 mins away) was complaining of how cold she was. What do I do this morning? Get online and find out what the temperature is. From 8am until around 10:30am it was 10F (although it felt like 2F) and the forecast for today had the high of 27F and the low of 21F. Well you can imagine my dismay when I discovered that we were well below the forecasted low temperature.

I knew I had to make myself head to post today but I didn't see the sense in rushing myself as I still had to find my husband's weight belt and workout gloves that were in his dungeon (the affectionate name given to any room in any of our houses where all of his military gear resides). Those items weren't quite where he said, but the room is still more or less a mess (and with it being in the basement and as cold as it is, I'm not rushing to go and tidy up that room) so I didn't feel too bad throwing things around.

With those items being found along with the other surprises I was sending him (as he tells me that even though they have a PX out there in the sandbox, they're always out of whatever it is that he needs) they were boxed up and once again I look at the temperature. By now it's 11am and we've moved up 1 degreeF. Yay, warmer, only slightly *sighs*. I figure I can't possibly stall for anymore time as by now the PX is open (11am) and the commissary is open (I think 10am) so away I go.

I managed to do my errands and make it home safely without too much issue or complaint (but I had several layers of clothes on). The only thing that I found annoying is that my feet couldn't stay warm. By the time I got home the temperature made it all the way up to 16F (feels like 7F). So now I'm going to go on amazon.com and hope they have something suitable.

What happens when you have a cold.

2006-01-24T10:49:00.000+01:00

For most of last week I have fought the good fight against this cold. I am quite in tune with my body and when it tells me that if I don't act, I'm soon going to have a nasty cold I start to listen and act. Three days this went on and I hoped I would be victorious. Yeah, that didn't happen. Not only do I have this monster of a head cold, but it seems that our bedroom in the loft area has a draft. So I went to bed Wednesday night feeling fine and woke up on Thursday morning with a head full of fuzzies.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I really dislike taking any forms of medication unless I have to. Sore runny noses fall under the catergory of having to. It doesn't matter what the writing on the box says as 95% of the time, any medication will make me drowsy. Whether it will keep me asleep however is another matter entirely. I have this deep seated need to be in control (of myself normally) which is why I dislike taking medication, drink moderately and have never done drugs.

As you well know if you've read past posts, I'm not working. I won't belabor the point of feeling guilty about this however it means that my mornings don't start until around 10am even though I'm up at 6am. The only motivation for my 6am wake up is to ensure that the girlchild gets off to school. While she'd love to stay home with me, somehow I don't have the patience for and I don't think she'd enjoy being homeschooled as much as she thinks.

The normal routine is to wake her up, fix her lunch and put the cereal out for her breakfast. Last year sometime I started fixing her lunches as the amount of money we were spending on school lunches were too high when you consider that she'd be ravenous when she got home, and yes, this is after going back in the queue for a 2nd lunch. I figure that we were going to spend that much money I could at least send her to school with a healthy lunch that would fill her up until she got home.

Since having this cold I get online as soon as I'm finished, not only to ensure that she takes her lunch and eats her breakfast, but also to make sure that she catches the bus, otherwise I'd just fall back to sleep. These last several mornings I have done my usual, checking of/responding to emails, reading the online versions of the newspapers from back home, getting on my other blog and just generally hanging out.

These last two days I have gotten to know one of my internet pals a lot better and started a friendship with another one. Legion, for want of a better name, I have spoken to off and on for several years. Up until yesterday morning the only thing I knew about him other than his gender is that he lived in the USA. I won't go into details but I learnt that his early life was very difficult and it's a sheer miracle that he is still alive. He is alive despite his ailments and bouts of depression but it's a testament to his sense of humour, sense of self and general all around pleasure of life which is why he's alive.

I find that there are so many people on the internet that you talk to and you barely get a glimpse into their lives. Sometimes the picture you get is all wonderful which may hide a deep dark secret and others the pictures are heart wrenching as they have a hard time finding the silver lining. Unfortunately what you rarely get is an entire picture. Yesterday I felt as though I really connected with someone which is a great feeling and one I rarely get.

Now Dost (his regular handle is quite a bit longer) and I had a fascinating discussion. I'm not sure where else I've ever been able to have an hour conversation about genealogy and the fascination and frustration of it all outside of a forum dedicated to that subject. It made me think that a little over 6 years ago I really started to do some research but came up with nothing but dead ends. In retrospect I find it amusing that right after I had shelved the idea that someone created a group dedicated to that same very thing and I wasn't to find this group for another 3 years. I owe a lot to this group as they've found lots of information for me while doing their own research and it's humbling to find distant relatives who are on the quest as you. While my research takes me to a different part of the planet than Dost, we have very similar blockades and it's interesting to note that even a first world country doesn't always keep the best records. For a second day in a row I really feel like I've made a connection.

This isn't to say that these are the first times I've made similar connections, it's just that those connections I've made in the past, those people are more like friends and family even though I still haven't met some of them. We keep in contact as our lives allow and there are days when I have a hard time remembering life without them.

What have we become?

2006-01-23T17:31:00.000+01:00

This morning while trying to fall back asleep after sending the girlchild off to school I happened to switch the channel and Oprah was on. Until moving to Germany I may have watched a total of maybe 10 Oprah shows. This isn't to say that I am for or against watching her, but until moving I've never had the time to watch it.

The last show I watched of hers before coming here was one about pack rats and what people save and to be frank that show scared the bejesus out of me. Just to summarize that episode, the woman in question had been married over 25 years, she was still wearing underwear (with the help of clothes pins) from when she was first married, her bathroom had disposable razors that she was still using after 3 and 4 months and she had a pound of ground beef in her freezer for almost 10 years that was cement grey. They had people come in to take air samples and to swab her kitchen sink and bathroom toilet and the results were enough to give anyone heart failure.

Anyway I digress. The show that aired today (I believe aired in the US on Friday) was about a couple who were arrested because they hired a stripper for their son's 16th birthday party. Apparently the issue wasn't so much that they hired her, but her son had taken explicit photographs after they had given the stripper additional money to go completely nude. The mother took the roll of film in to be developed and the police were called in.

A lot of people are outraged at this for obvious reasons. I'm not going to stand on pedestal and wag my finger at them and say what poor parenting that showed, but I have another angle. Imagine the same scenario, but instead the birthday boy had a digital camera. Would this episode have gone unnoticed? What happened with the stripper? I gather that she wasn't charged with anything. Surely she must have figured out that going topless for a bunch of 16 year olds was one thing, but rubbing her genitals in their faces or other places...

The closest I would take a teenager to a female naked body would be to a museum or to Hooters, but probably in that order. That isn't to say that I'm a prude or anything, but I draw the line at encouraging a minor into something along those lines.

What have we become; Just look what we have done; All that we destroyed; You must build again

White Lion: When The Children Cry

Thumbs up for Technology

2006-01-21T12:10:00.000+01:00

I used to live for the weekends, now that I'm not working they don't hold the same enjoyment for me.

The only thing I have planned for this weekend is to go to a play tonight. I'm hoping that my head cold goes to sleep for the duration of the trip and the play as right now I'm walking around in a cloud of fog.

Today I am thankful for technology being what it is. I remember when I started college and I had used the first internet browser and seen the first web page and that was when the majority of people who had email accounts were through an institute of higher learning. It is amazing to think back just how times have changed.

As I mentioned, I am thankful for technology. The girlchild came home from school yesterday with her prideplan and a letter th at she'd written. This prideplan is a weekly sheet that they get at the beginning of the week and although there isn't much space on there to write a lot, I think it's a very good idea. This sheet has columns for Monday through Friday and is divided into sections for behaviour, teacher comment area, homework assignment, what books they've been reading and for how long, a section for parents to send a comment to the teacher and a signature area for parent to say they acknowledge everything on the paper. The girlchild had a problem with her conduct yesterday and after talking to her about it, she felt justified in her actions (kicking the bathroom door after being spoken to by her teacher) and said that the next time it'd just get worst with the teacher. If this had been any other child I would have just said that it's anger talking and that they don't really mean it. However when this same child has been in counselling at school (for behaviour at school) and counselling after school (for behaviour at home) you can't afford to take statements like that too lightly.

My husband has been deployed less than a month and we decided that he wouldn't call on a scheduled basis. The only time/s he'd call would be if I asked him to or if he wanted to. This works out fine for me as I am lucky enough to get several emails from him daily and he doesn't really enjoy talking on the phone. Anyway, I sent him an email yesterday about what was going on and suggested that maybe he should call. It seems that whenever daddy is away, I'm the mean dragonlady occupying space. Of course during this time she feels that if daddy were here he wouldn't think this was a big deal yadda yadda yadda. This isn't true, but you can make yourself believe all sorts of things when said person isn't around to set you straight.

Thankfully hubby did get the email and called within 25 minutes and they seemed to have a nice phone call. Turns out that she didn't like what her father had to say and refused to comment any more on it. Amazing how that happens.

I wish I was feeling better so I could drive and see what Vilseck has to offer, however that is going to be the case. The cold meds that I've been taking said not to drive as it can make you drowsy (any and all meds seem to make me drowsy) so I guess we'll be staying in and I'll be hoping that she won't be complaining about how bored she is.

These are days...

2006-01-18T18:38:00.000+01:00

...you'll remember. Never before and never sine, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this. And as you feel it, you'll know it's that that you are blessed and lucky. It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you. These are days you'll remember.

These are days by 10,000 Maniacs

Right now this part of the song is running through my head. How anything can run trhough my head right now is beyond me. Talking to the girl child is akin to hitting your head against a brick wall, minus the blood. Right now my head is pounding... throbbig and the 12oz of Smirfnoff Ice Triple Black isn't helping it go away. I have to ask myself day in and day out why I try and help as I go to bed emotionally drained and so tired that I am unable to sleep. Prime time television selections grow dismal as time goes on so I resort to reading and by the list of books I've read this year thus far, you can see how much sleep I'm not getting.

Of course the weather isn't helping either. I have been fighing off a cold for a couple of days and the cold that seeps in through my shoes and slowly makes its way up the rest of my body is enough to keep me in a funk for days. Maybe I can avoid going anywhere and avoid all this. Unfortunately that isn't to be the case as I have another hungry belly to feed and somehow I don't think that will go over well. I just want to curl myself around a warm ball and hibernate for the winter.

Where has all the time gone?

2006-01-17T08:21:00.000+01:00

I can't believe it's been a while since I've posted. I wish I could say I've been super busy but that hasn't been the case. The only busy thing I've done has been reading like crazy.

Yesterday was MLK and so B was out of school. Thankfully several weeks ago the FRG leader here (Edna) said she was going to Kaiser Porzellan and invited us to follow. I guess no one else took her up on it, but not only do I love pottery (having done some myself) but I thought it'd be a nice trip for me and B while her father was gone (yeah, he's so not into that). I was told that it would take about 1.5 hrs to get there, but driving at 85mph we got there in about an hour.

Hopefully later I can get my digital camera to work and will take pictures of what we bought but I think I did fairly well. I had done some research and figured out what pieces I liked (that were affordable) and I was pleasantly surprised that the prices at the factory were 50% of what was online/in brochure. Major kudos there.

Today I'm feeling rather icky as I think I'm getting sick but thankfully the only thing I have planned to do today is to work on my husband's PDA. That should be a lot of fun.

Got email from hubby this morning and he was thinking that since B enjoys taking pictures like I do, that we should get her a camera. While I'm all for that, I'm going to see about getting her a cheapy film camera. I'd like to be sure that she's going to take care of her camera before I go out and spend money on a really nice one. I will have to go back to the PX tomorrow and see but I don't remember them having a lot of selection there. The websites (walmart, target, kmart) don't offer a lot of selection but amazon does but they only mail those within the US (a $20 camera and will only mail within the US, what a crock).

Oh well, that's all that's up with me. The only things that are coming up are this Saturday my internet friend is in a play which I'm taking B to, the following weekend we're going to Garmisch for the long weekend and Sunday February 5th, we're going on a daytrip to Prague. Man I'm tired just thinking about it.

Early mornings...

2006-01-11T14:34:00.000+01:00

do not agree with me, however I managed to get everything done and dragged myself out of the door to arrive 1 minute early for my class. I am so proud of myself.

Class went well, although the presenter was surprised (she was doing stress management) that my stress level was so high (she said to think about the last 12 months) and even more so that I wasn't surprised about it. Uhm hello... let me do a quick run down. Single parent to 1 14 year old male child and 1 8 year old female child. 14 year old had major issues and we would clash constantly. Ended up being so bad that he no longer lives with us anymore. Was single parent as my husband was in Korea for what initially was 12 months but ended up being about 6 months. Had to do all the paperwork and arrangements to move the contents of the house from AZ to Germany, flew to see my parents, my dear friend was having Chemo and radiation treatment, had to make arrangements to ship my car and drive it to the processing center (from AZ to Dallas), moved to Germany, husband is currently deployed and those are just the highlights. I would be awfully dumb not to think that last year was stressful.

Managed to get most of my errands done today and now I'm back home and trying to thaw out. Was rather pleased with myself as I went to the grocery store and got quite a number of things discounted. Definately chuffed about that. Going to take some downtime on the sofa with my book while I figure out what I'm fixing for dinner.

... And we're back

2006-01-09T16:37:00.000+01:00

Yes I'm back online and so far so good. I've been back online less than 4 hours and I've already had 1 trojan and my newly installed firewall has blocked 4 attempts already.

Right now the girl-child is upstairs playing with the little girl that lives next door S. S is two years older than the girl-child but only 1 grade ahead of her in school. While I do like S and enjoy having her around I feel really sorry for her. She is a very pretty girl and has a skewed sense of popularity and desires nothing else but to be popular. The sad part of it all is that most of the kids at her school doesn't like her and the majority of the other kids in the neighbourhood doesn't like her either. A big part of it seems to be her inbuilt self defense mechanism that seems to put everyone off. I just hope for her sake that she is able to resolve all if it as she really is a lovely girl.

Apart from that I haven't been doing too much really. I ran around last week and I honestly couldn't tell you what I accomplished (apart from reinstalling the computer). I did sign myself up for some classes (free) that should keep me out of trouble while the hubby has deployed. Took the girl-child to see Narnia yesterday and she said that she really enjoyed it. Poor thing cried almost throughout the entire movie. She has the entire series of Narnia books and I hope the movie stirred some interest in her reading the series.

Keep your fingers crossed...

2006-01-07T13:32:00.000+01:00

Well the computer has been loaded, software etc burned off, re-partitioned and re-loaded. Now I'm waiting until Monday to get a call from the tech support desk to help me get connected to the internet.

Keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well.

Still around

2006-01-04T13:33:00.000+01:00

Today has been crazy. I'm at the library using the machine and it's not the same as doing it from the comforts of your own home. Today i'm trying to fix the one computer I know what's wrong with it. Wish me luck.

Year in Review

2006-01-04T13:16:00.001+01:00

2005 was a very good year for me overall.

I met some wonderful people (both online and in person), reconnected with some old friends, got to see family, moved to a new country and most importantly realised that I'm still a strong person.

There are lots of things that I still would like to do, but these aren't the resolution type of things. Maybe they should be, but they're not.

Books as of June 2005

Drums of Autumn - Diana Gabaldon
The Serpent's Shadow - Mercedes Lackey
Bad Attitude - Sherrilyn Kenyon
Mirage - Soheir Khashoggi
Grave Sight - Charlaine Harris
Mosaic - Soheir Khashoggi
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Book 6) - J.K. Rowling
Blue Smoke - Nora Roberts
Point Blank - Catherine Coulter
Voyager - Diana Gabaldon
Without Mercy - Jack Higgins
State of Fear - Michael Crichton
Impossible - Danielle Steel
London Bridges - James Patterson
Genevieve - Eric Jerome Dickey
Black Rose - Nora Roberts
Bloody Bones - Laurell K Hamilton
Heart of Devin McKade - Nora Roberts
Almost Adam - Petru Popescu
The Cabinet of Curiosities - Douglas Preston
The Lair of Bones - David Farland
Crescent - Diana Abu-Jaber
The Kingmaker - Brian Haig
A Stroke of Midnight - Laurell K Hamilton
Hour Game - David Baldacci
3rd Degree - James Patterson
Allies - Brian Haig

Bit of News...

2005-12-27T00:02:00.000+01:00

This maybe my past post for a while.

Hubby deploys soon and will take his laptop with him. In the rush to get his PMP done and the house unpacked, I haven't had opportunity to look at the other computers. The Dell (which was working up until the moment when it was packed) may have an issue with the onboard video card (bleh!) and the other computer needs to have the OS re-installed (hate the blue screen of death). So while I will have internet access at the house, I won't have anything to access it with.
With that out of the way, I will have access to the internet at the library (once school starts back, may ask my neighbour to use hers) and may end up going there daily or every other day.

I wish everyone the best for the New Year's.

Bad headspace.

2005-12-21T17:35:00.000+01:00

It is hard to be a cheerful and chipper person when you have to interact with certain people.

Right now I'm more than a little annoyed and I wish I knew why, I know better, I don't expect anything different and yet I'm still annoyed.

I asked the husband to do one little thing, set up the tv and dvd in the bedroom so that I can watch tv or a dvd while I unpack the bedroom. Well I guess I should have been more specific as he did set it up but none of it worked. I got such a look (now if I could do this on my own I would have done so and not bothered to ask him) and back upstairs he went. Apparently tv1 doesn't have the necessary bits to plug dvd1 into, so he had to switch tvs. Now instead of hooking tv2 (which doesn't have a remote) into dvd1 (I have the remote for this one) , he hooks it into dvd2 (which does have a remote, but he couldn't be bothered to look for it). I get back to the bedroom, it all apparently works but neither the tv nor the dvd player has a remote. Instead of being thoughtful and bringing up one of those all-in-one remotes of which we have plenty (I have no idea where anything is in the basement, that's his area and has it organized his own way) he just gives me a look of disgust which says that nothing he does is ever good enough and stomps back downstairs. Does he come back upstairs, no. He just has a foul attitude and didn't even come to bed.

That was last night. Has he spoken to me today? Yes, to ask two questions. If I needed anything while he went out, and later on if I knew where his cap was. Otherwise he hasn't said one word to me. I dislike dealing with people who want to act childish, so I spent a good bit of this morning catching up with my book and letting him have quality time with his daughter as he'll be deploying soon and I think they could use all of the QT they can get. Boy I shouldn't have bothered. Now he makes me out to bed the one with the attitude and the only thing she has said to me today is that I *have* to cook tonight because there are no leftovers. Why do I feel like a f**king maid and housekeeper. I'm getting sick and tired of this BS.

First the girl-child gets upset the other day and says I spend all day on the computer (converting his F'ing mp3s in the hopes they'll be done before he deploys as he's taking the laptop with him) and then when I'm not doing that I'm cooking. It drives me up the wall that she expects that whenever she is home that I should devote every waking hour to her. That I should cater to her every whim just because she's awake.

I suppose all in all it wouldn't bother me with the exception that the few things I have selfishly bought for myself, she's decided that she could play with them as if they were hers and feels no remorse for destroying said items. She just lies about it, shrugs her shoulders and does it again. There are times when I wish I could lock things away, however why should I have to do that when she's old enough to learn to leave other people's things alone.

I am so not in a good headspace right now. I'm going to head out and watch tv in the bedroom (that I had to dick around with so at least one works with a remote). Maybe after he's deployed I'll locate one of the all-in-one remotes so I'll have a remote to work with the tv.

Can I be anymore tired?

2005-12-20T18:29:00.000+01:00

There have been times when I wonder if there are different levels of tiredness or if there is any way to measure tiredness. The last thought I have before succuming to sleep is that I hope tomorrow will be different. I wake up with a lot of energy which seems to fizzle around 5pm. Why oh why?

I have no idea where most of today went, we got a lot done, but it didn't feel like it took as long as it did.

It is only 6:37pm here and if I didn' t know any better I'd think it was 10pm at night. The only bad thing about it being not quite 7pm is that I have the bedroom to organize now. Yesterday the people finally came for the extra furniture that was in the bedroom so now we can actually sleep in the bedroom (at least after I get it all organized and off my bed). Maybe I'll grab a nap and get my second wind.

While we were out today I had to figure out what to get the girl-child from my parents. Whenever we're not home to celebrate my parents always send money so that we can buy ourselves something. The nice thing about that is that my mother always says that we don't have to portion it out equally in thirds, she'll leave that to me. I was thinking on the way to Vilseck that I should buy the girl-child the C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia series since the movie is out and I know she'd enjoy the book/s. What was I thinking? When Peter Jackson did the Lord of the Rings series, they rereleased all of the books where you couldn't turn around without seeing one. With that in mind, I figured they'd do the same with Narnia, well they may have but could I find *one* book? Nope. So I had to get the girl-child other books instead. I can't remember off the top of my head when I ended up getting her, I just hope she'll like them. There's only 4+ days until Christmas and I can't wait. It's not the opening of the presents but I haven't been able to find my tape etc to wrap these presents and what I'm really tired of is the girl-child trying to peek.

Oh well, I'm going to nap (I just hope it's a nap and not my going to sleep for the night) and hopefully find some more energy when I wake back up.

Finally, some of these stinkin things are done...

2005-12-16T16:34:00.000+01:00

Even though I'm tired as I write this, I am pleased with myself that I managed to stratch everything from my to-do list for today besides going to the German Post office. I drove right by it, couldn't find any parking and then noticed that I was running late to get home before the girl-child, so off I went. Of course the freezing rain and the wind didn't help matters any.

So I talked to the hubby this morning about Christmas dinner. He does agree with me that it's too much to cook for the 3 of us. Before you start to wonder what I'm talking about, I'll explain. I'm an only child and Christmas for me was more about having a good time with family and friends than presents. Up until the age of 20, my Christmas dinners were spent with my parents and family friends. After 20 our Christmas dinner changed to what they are now. Christmas dinner which normally was at a particular cousin's house, now rotates from one house to the next. Everyone brings a couple of dishes and we all sit around and have a good time. It is common to have quite a number of people over for Christmas who aren't relatives and to be honest, we quite enjoy having people around. With that being said, there is always so much food, that you can't say you can't find anything to eat. The theory behind our Christmas dinners seem to be that if you like a particular dish, it'll be there for dinner. The first year my husband had dinner with my family he thought he'd stepped out of the wrong door and entered a feast worthy of some small royal family.

Needless to say, with being brought up like that, I tend to make Christmas dinners the same way. The last time I cooked Christmas dinner, I made stove top stuffing (cuz hubby likes it), cornbread dressing (cuz I like it), giblet gravy (hubby), turkey gravy (moi), succotash (hubby), green bean casserole (everyone), corn, cobb salad, ham, turkey, candied yams (moi), rice n beans (everyone), cranberry sauce, rolls and I can't remember what else.

As I was saying before, he agreed that it's too much to do for 3 people and that we should just enjoy the Christmas day so we'll go to the dining facility for dinner. Then on boxing day (day after Christmas) I'll cook the turkey etc, that way we will have leftovers and can chomp on those for a while.

I have a small pet peeve I'd like to share. What starts off as a little issue soon tends to keep doubling in size until I can't keep it in anymore. It drives me nuts when someone invites you somewhere and says that you can ride with them. They give you the time that they are leaving and that's that. When the day comes around, they actually leave before they said they will so you have to find alternate transport there, of course there is no knock on the door or message left saying that there was a change of plans. Okay I was a little tweaked about it, but okay. That same night we (girl-child and I) were invited to an event they were having out of town this weekend. They know that we have no idea how to get there but we do have transport so that is not an issue. They mentioned something about us following them up and guess what, they've done it again. Although the event isn't until tomorrow, they've already left town without a word. So once again I'm a little tweaked but I'm thinking that this will allow me to get the house cleared and cleaned once and for all. The girl-child is on winter break as of Monday so it's going to be getting everything done.

Hubby was so sweet yesterday. He bought me a poinsettia home, I thought that was so thoughtful. He knows how much I love plants and it's a little one so it doesn't take up too much space.

The days have flown by.

2005-12-15T20:30:00.000+01:00

I just realised that the last time I posted was on Tuesday. The last couple of days have flown by and yet I can barely remember them. this is neither good nor bad, just factual.

Last night I had such grand plans in my head for today. I knew what I was going to do and where I was going and went to bed with a smile on my face ready to face the next day. My husband calls it my deranged moment, all I know is that I found myself wide awake after having sat straight up in bed for what at the time felt like no reason. This sudden movement woke him up and startled him. I figured that it must be some sort of internal mechanism telling me to heed mother nature's call. In hindsight I must say I was lucky. Between the bed and the bathroom there is a flight of stairs and as I was out of it, I almost felt down the flight of stairs. Minutes later I found myself back in bed and drifting off to sleep, however I felt so tired this morning it was unbelievable. Someone could have told me that I ran a marathon and I would have believed them. There must have been something in the air as the husband and girl-child were just as exhausted as I was. Go figure.

The two hours I was up this morning was long enough to wake the girl-child up, make sure she had a bath (we were out late last night so she didn't get to have one before she went to bed), fixed her breakfast and lunch and make sure she got off to catch the bus on time. Shortly after I had fallen back asleep my husband calls. I am sure he feels (although he doesn't say anything) that I sleep off and on all day (I wish) so when I happened to mention during the short conversation that he woke me up, he didn't sound the least bit surprised. His phone call was to tell me that he'd be coming home soon (which ended up being 2 hours later). By now I figured the day was shot, all of my grand plans just fizzled out like some cheap champagne.

The upside to this day is that hubby thought he'd forgotten some paperwork at the office. Due to the time we had to wait for the girl-child to come home before we could head out. Since I didn't have anything concrete planned for dinner, he decided that we should have fish, fries and whatever other sides we could find. While at the commissary we won what looks like a 25lb turkey. I was quite pleased but now I feel like I have to cook Christmas dinner. Must find out what he wants to do and what our neighbours are doing. That is certainly a lot of turkey for 3 people and even though I normally freeze quite a bit of it afterwards, we could have turkey for months to come.

The tired monster has captured me again. I'm not quite sure what is going on. My eating habits won't indicate that I'm deficient in anything so maybe it's the lack of exercise that is doing me in. Hubby suggested today that I may feel a lot better and have more energy if I start working out again. His response to my saying that I was going to wait until the new year was to wonder if it was going to be my new year's resolution. That wasn't the reason at all. This friday is the start of the school's winter break and I can't in good conscience start working out when I should be spending time with the girl-child. Not to mention that hubby is taking some leave so we can go on a couple of trips before he heads to the sandbox. Plus, I'm not one for New Year's resolutions as they never work out, so I don't do them.

Off to do some more work on his music file conversion. Yay! (not!)

A lovely Quiet Day

2005-12-13T20:36:00.000+01:00

While I didn't accomplish anything on my list today, it was lovely and quiet.

I spent practically all day converting Mpeg-4 files to Mp3 files for Robert. Not only does he have quite a number of these to do, but the software using to convert them doesn't retain any of the pertinent information. Needless to say, after 10 hours I'm still at the letter C.

After the last several days I've had, it was quite a pleasure to have an easy going day.

As I said before all of my Christmas presents have been bought. I got the hubby a couple of CDs, DVDs and books (just to open on Christmas morning. He's been playing with his PMP since he got it) and got the girl-child a DVD since hubby already got her presents. My dad's christmas present even came in yesterday and I guess I need to go head to the post office to mail that. Unfortunately it won't get there in time for Christmas, but he'll still appreciate it anyway.

For once, not a lot to say. I may have to drive around tomorrow. I'm not quite sure I'm ready for it, but I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Hubby mentioned taking leave before he heads to the sandbox and wants to know where we're going. I haven't made any reservations or anything like that but I mentioned Italy and Czech Republic. Not sure that we'll do Italy but since Praha (Prague) is close by, we may end up going there. I'm very excited. A penpal (who I have met) lives there and he promised to show us around if we made it out that way. I can't wait. I've heard such good things about Praha.

With all of that excitement I've just tired myself out. So I think I'm going to turn in early. These early mornings are wearing me out. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day.

Tiredness seems to be a new way of life.

2005-12-12T17:24:00.000+01:00

The weekend great considering a few rough spots.

Friday night my neighbour took me shopping with her to this grocery store that has a lot more selection what we can find around here. I only went with the intention of getting stuff to make lasagna (per the hubby's request) and ended up buying all sorts of German and Polish sausages among other things. It is a good thing I had plenty of money with me.

Saturday the girl-child and I walked about 3/4 of a mile to the grocery store nearby to see what they have. Although we've been there before, I was told that they have much better prices than the store right across from me (can believe that as things there seem a bit pricey) so we had to go look. Yeah ended up spending what money I didn't spend on Friday night, but that was okay.

Sunday I got up early (4am) to start cooking for the evening event. We were going to drive to Vilseck which is about a 45 minute drive and I didn't want to have to rush when we got back. Gave considerable thought to not going as the morning didn't start off well. However I remembered that I had started a new leaf so off I went. It is just as well. I ended up buying hubby's presents (these are little things that go underneath the tree) and even got something for the girl-child.

From there we rushed back so that I could finish making the fresh vegetable pizza (I had started the crust earlier) and made a large cobb salad. Then off we dashed to the Christmas Party. The girl-child had a good time, I was so tired that all I could do was eat and try not to pass out. We headed home shortly after Santa arrived and handed out the presents.

Today was something else. I had to be at the drivers testing area before 8. The Germans are very prompt and if something is supposed to start at 8 and you're not in the room, they lock the door. So of course I made sure I was there. I figured we'd have a 2 hour ordeal that I'd have to sit through, instead we sat through a 20 minute video and then I headed to library to try and absorb more information. Hubby surprised me at the library as I was sitting down with some magazines and was about to tune the world out for the next two hours. So instead of sitting there for hours, we had lunch together.

The drivers test was at 1pm and I did alright. I missed more than I was hoping to, but sometimes it helps if you're paying attention. The darned vision test (erm, I think I need my prescription updated) was almost harder than the darned drivers test. Anyway I have my temporary license while I await the regular one in the mail, so I guess I won't be chauffered anymore, nuts!

A New Start

2005-12-09T12:08:00.000+01:00

After getting that all out of my system the last post, I've decided to start over. That was the beginning of the process, just getting it out there. I spoke to my girlfriend Toni this morning. I won't go into her health details, but needless to say she recently had radiation treatment and is back doing chemo treatment now. The lady she had most of her chemo and radiation treatment has died. It wasn't due to the cancer but between her negative attitude and always dwelling on the bad, the common concensus is that upon hearing some distressing news, she gave up. See the power of negativity. What really cemented it for me was an editorial piece I read this morning about there being two kinds of people in this world; The doers and the talkers. The optimist and pessimist. The advocate and the whiner.

In the process of looking for myself I'm going to attempt to not be the whiner and the pessimist but look for the silver lining for every cloud.

So the silver linings for today:

I am IMing my buddy Dan in PA
I've cleared off the dining table (finally)
The boxes that were blocking the entrance to the kitchen have been emptied and put away.

On to do more stuff...

How did this happen?

2005-12-08T03:27:00.000+01:00

When I originally started this blog, it wasn't intended to be a place to bitch and moan. Certainly not to bitch about the girl-child, anything political, religious or otherwise. The idea was for me to put to paper (virtual in this case) my more creative side. Despite the last several (practically all) posts, I do have a creative side and a wild imagination.

I guess the stresses in dealing with people (drama where I just moved from that is still continuing and seemingly getting worst, not better and the drama surrounding where I now live not to mention the girl-child), the move, the unpacking... have stifled my creative juices. I'm wound tighter than a ball of yarn and I feel the tension in my body everytime I move.

While I know this funk that I'm in won't last forever, it bothers me that it's been allowed to go on for so long. I used to be quite carefree and let things roll off my back, but I seemed to have fallen off that cobblestone paved road and have been walking in the ditch beside it. Now if I could only find a narrow path back to the road I'd be a lot happier. There is no telling how long I've been walking in the ditch but I didn't realise it until a gal-pal of mine pointed it out (like 4 years ago). Sad eh?

I'm hoping that when my house is all unpacked, put away, sorted, cleaned etc, that I will be able to find some me time during the day (helps that I'm not working) to tap back into my creative side.

This may sound weird to some of you (it is okay, I'm weird, I can admit it, I embrace it) but I feel cut off from myself because of the funk. I've always had dreams. Some of those come true (it's almost like watching a movie before it comes out) while others don't. I've always felt that the ones that don't come true are more of a warning than something that is absolute. Of course there are those dreams that stem from my creative side and believe me, I know which ones those are (like watching a weird SF/F movie). I used to be able to "feel" things, subtle things. One fateful night this summer was the first time in a long time I was able to "feel" anything. What I felt wasn't good, or evil, but just a wall of negative energy almost black hole sucking the life and energy out of you. It wasn't very subtle either. That was a big wakeup call for me that this funk I've been in has affected me more than I imagined. In the past I would have been able to detect the slightest traces of negative energy but this time it was almost like it I was standing in between two converging walls, with the life being squeezed out of me.

So there ends my weirdness for today, well at least online. I guess once the house is in decent shape, I will have to get back into meditation and breathing exercises and see if I can't make myself whole again.

Is this day over yet?

2005-12-07T09:11:00.000+01:00

It is only 9:15 and here I am wishing today was over already.

Won't go into details because frankly I don't want to think about it, but lets just say that the homework didn't get completed and this morning seems to be a continuation of last night.

At least she's off at school and I will have some piece of mind for a couple of hours.

I'm going to go talk to my neighbour and hope the day gets better.

Oh the joys of tantrums

2005-12-06T17:25:00.000+01:00

Whenever girl-child's teacher assigns her word searches as homework I have to brace myself. Invariably the first 2 or 3 hours is nothing but one long tantrum. I think I've heard everything from how hard it is, to the words not being there, that she hates school, hates it here and the list seems endless.

Incase I have forgotten to mention, I'm the evil/mean step-mother. Being that I don't have any children of my own (and an only child to boot) I don't have a lick of patience. So right about hour 2 I've had it. She hates being shouted at, but boy does she get it, then I just shut down and don't say a word to her.

What makes it worst is that she knows she can't have dinner until her homework is done (reference evil/mean above) otherwise it would never be completed. Of course like everything else, there are exceptions to the rule. There have been times when she's gotten so much homework that even working diligently she wouldn't be able to complete it before dinner, then she can eat. Anyway that isn't the case today and I refuse to feel sorry for someone who throws their pencil around, throws their homework around and then figures that they'll get to eat when they've made no real effort to do their homework.

I am seriously hoping the rest of the night gets better as she has already been sent to bed once and she knows when that happens, I'm certainly not kidding. Because she asked pseudo nicely I told her that if she could her word search without another temper tantrum that was fine, otherwise it would be bed for her.

She is supposed to have a 2 hour delay of school tomorrow which meant that she was going to be able to sleep in, that will go out of the window (the sleep in, not the attending of school) if she hasn't completed her word search.

On a brighter note, we only have 9 more years of this! heheheheheh. Where's a drink when you need one!

Grounding, Noise and odd conversations

2005-12-05T08:13:00.000+01:00

There are times as a step-parent when I have to wonder about the wisdom of grounding. Whether it works, whether it is worth it, whether there are better ways to achieve the same goal.

Several days ago I mentioned about the girl-child's issue with markers, crayons and paints. Well, at 9 years old, she still feels she can do whatever she wants and consequences be damned. That thought lasts as long as it takes for her to be discovered and punished. She will unhappily relate that she never gets away with anything, for some reason she always gets discovered. I have no idea why she continues to do things she knows she's not supposed to.

Anyway, this morning her school was delayed due to the weather and road conditions. I had gone upstairs to let her know this and to my dismay discovered that she had been carving into her headboard. The bed frame/headboard etc in question is over 10 years old and is (was) very nice mahogany wood (along with the other furniture in her room). When polished, you can almost see your reflection in the wood.

Being the inquisitive sort, I cannot help but ask why she carved her name into the headboard. Her standard response to any question is "I don't know" and after 3 years of hearing this, it just makes one frustrated and upset. There are moments I feel like a policeman in an interrogation room as I have to keep repeating the question over and over. The final response was "I was grounded and wanted to take it out on something". Needless to say I had a few choice words for her and pointed out that while she may be sleeping on the bed and using all of the other furniture, they are by no means hers.

I guess I should look on the bright side. Last year this time she was banging her head repeatedly on the brick wall, so this is definately an improvement. Thankfully where we were at had child therapists and counsellors as she ended up going there. I don't think we'll be as lucky here.

As I sit here quite annoyed with the girl child I am hearing noise. Now to give you a little bit of a background, I live in a townhouse (4-plex) that has 4 storeys. Unit 1 and Unit 2 are mirror imaged and Unit 3 (which I live in, is identical to Unit 1) and Unit 4 are mirror imaged. What that means is that the darn stairs are against the same walls. Anyway, before I digress any further, my neighbours in Unit 4 sound like a herd of elephants as you can hear someone/s tromping up and down the stairs. This has been going on for the last couple of days and I can't figure out what they are doing and why they have to go up and down the stairs as much as they do.

I mentioned at the end of my last post (I believe) about certain conversations that the girl-child and I were having. Thankfully she's already had the "sex" talk and we haven't quite progressed to the "what happens when you start hitting puberty". More background information... I was christened Roman Catholic (never been confirmed as there wasn't a Catholic Church where I grew up) however attended Baptist church as a child and the girl-child has been raised Pentacostal (I believe) thus far. While I feel that children should be exposed to religion (as many as the parents feel comfortable with) I also feel that there comes a time when they can choose whether or not they want to continue attending church. There were a couple of incidents that made me disillusioned with the church and organized religion in general which is why I don't attend. The girl-child the other night was asking me the differences between the Catholic faith and the baptists. That conversation went on for the better part of an hour, which was pretty good. Of course then she asked me whether or not I had seen a ghost (yes) and whether or not Baptists or Catholics believe in ghosts (don't know). That conversation lasted almost as long as the initial conversation and the end result was that she wanted to see a ghost as she'd never seen one before. So now I sit here waiting for our next odd conversation.

If there is nothing I *must* blog about, I will have to blog about my religious beliefs another time.

Exhausted

2005-12-03T20:29:00.000+01:00

The local time is 8:30pm and I'm at the point just past exhaustion. I don't know what it is, but I can't seem to get to bed before midnight and then I'm up early in the morning. After several days of that, I just can't function. That is the one thing I dislike about getting older (or aging like a fine wine as my friend Ashley says), I still have fond memories of going to bed at 2 or 3am, getting up at 7 and going to work. That cycle could repeat for several days and I would be fine. Not anymore, after doing that once the following day is more or less shot.

Last night we drove to Grafenwohr which is about an hour north north east of us to see the new Harry Potter movie. Right before we got there, the low fuel indicator light was illuminated and due to the time, we figured we'd get gas after the movie. The gas station on Graf closes at 8pm and it does not have pay at pump. We asked one of the guards where we could find a 24 hour gas station and he suggested either Pressath (approx 10km north-east or Weiden (approx 28km east). Since Pressath was closer, we headed that way, only to have to turn around as we couldn't find any gas stations, 24 hour or otherwise. There we were overly conscious about the gas, or lack thereof, and not only was it dark out, but not only weren't there anything to see, there weren't any other cars on the road. By this time we figured that we would head to Amberg (which is on our way home) and possibly head to Weiden once we saw the exit. When we finally saw the exit for Weiden, not only was it out of our way and quite far at that, but we figured we stood a better chance of getting gas at Amberg instead of Weiden (we're not holding much weigh with what the guard said). Needless to say, we made it to Amberg and was able to get gas there. After considering how many detours there were, we could have made it home on no gas just fine.

Moral of the story: Check your gas gauge before you head out and if you're iffy about the gas, take a map which shows where the 24 hour gas stations are.

Didn't make it to bed until around 2am and since hubby had to head out early (back to Graf for a week) I didn't get a lot of sleep.

Spent way too much time online, looking back I'm not sure exactly what all I did. Was able to rip some more MP3s from my CDs for my new toy and managed to get two more boxes emptied and more laundry done.

I think I'm going to curl up with a book and hopefully drift off into the next dimension.

Will have to write about my discussion with the girl-child re: religion and ghosts.

Going home...

2005-12-02T11:17:00.000+01:00

I never contemplated that going home could be such an issue. To give you a reference point, I was born on the island of Jamaica however I do not travel under a Jamaican passport. I won't go into details of what passport I do hold, but given the current visa situation there, it appears that I'll need a visa to visit the land of my birth. While I do not travel there a lot (time and funds are the issue/s more so than the desire), I never expected it to be that difficult.

On a sadly amusing note, I'm glad that no one (or at least no one that comments) reads this particular blog. Why? you may say. Well, last night I spent approximately 2 hours trying to tweak the "look" of this blog. I had all but successfully done so (according to the preview) and was quite happy with my effort. The warm fuzzies didn't last long as when I saved it, the look wasn't anywhere close to what I was wanting. I will try this again, but not today.

Didn't get a lot done yesterday around the house as I would have liked. Ended up spending a pretty penny on a few gadgets so I will start load #3 of laundry for the day, grab a shower and then come back and play with my new toy.

Will try and be back later.

Marker marker everywhere

2005-12-01T20:07:00.000+01:00

There are times when I have to wonder why the girl-child thinks we're completely oblivious.

Down the stairs she walks and the first thing I notice isn't the blue ink that's on her clothes, or all over her hands or even on her face but on her tongue. Why the question "Why is your tongue blue?" elicits a response of "I don't know" followed by a confused look and a tremble is beyond me.

While she was in her room and supposed to be putting away clothes and straightening up her room, instead she had found a set of markers, crayons and paint pots and decided to play.

This has been a problem for us since she was 5... she is now 9. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with her having markers, crayons or paints in theory. The reality of the situation is that she paints/draws/marks on any surface available. Walls, tables, towels, carpet and anything else. Lately she's had her markers etc removed from her room and told that she can play with those as long as she is supervised.

I guess that wasn't good enough for her as she got markers everywhere today. Instead of just removing them from her room and saying nothing else, not only did I remove the offending items from her room but they were thrown out. She's been put on notice that she has been grounded (for getting it in the carpet, especially after being told that we have to pay if she destroys the carpet or anything else) until further notice and that until she is able to use said items properly, any such items that she receives (even if for Christmas) will be donated on her behalf.

Somedays I wish there were some other way to resolve this issue, but I can't think of it.

Cayman WPB

2005-11-30T06:33:00.000+01:00

It never ceases to amaze me how some people with influence work.

I have just been reading http://www.caymannetnews.com/ and I'm starting to get upset.

There have been articles in the past in respect to the Jamaican work force and possible non-renewal of their work permits and that employers are being "encouraged to find workers from other places". WTF is that? My belief is that if you're willing to employ someone it should be on their merits or credentials alone and not where they're from.

Yes the island does have a substantial Jamaican population. So what. Do you know your geography? Not only is the island practically right next door, there are regular flights between the two countries which makes seeing family much easier. Even though Jamaica is part of Caricom and the Jamaicans could go and seek employment in Trinidad or Barbados or elsewhere in the Caribbean, it is probably costly to fly back and forth at least twice a year. Of course let us not forget the difference in the earning potential.

While Cayman is not part of caricom they're slowly heading down a road that they're not going to like the final destination. First the Visa issue now this. I would be amused if every Jamaican national in Cayman decided to stay away from the island for two months and see what happens there. There would be huge and noticeable pockets of people missing, from the domestic industry straight on up to the QC and Judges.

Becareful what you wish for

2005-11-29T21:01:00.000+01:00

... because it might come true.

I was hoping that my household goods (HHG) would get here sooner than originally expected and it is.

The only problem now is finding place to put all of this stuff.

I know I haven't blogged in a while. I was sick the week before Thanksgiving and then the week of thanksgiving was just crazy. I will do better.

EDIT

What is going on with the hurricanes this year? We're so close to the end of the season and now we have TS Epsilon. It makes me wonder if we'll still get some after the season is over. I know I shouldn't even contemplate the possibility of that but I just can't help it.

It's been a few

2005-11-22T16:55:00.000+01:00

Days since my last post. We got the aDSL working yesterday and the house phone on the friday prior.

Colder than get out around here now at -6C which doesn't really make me happy.

Had a great week last week with Kelly and the girls at Hallo Hohenfels. Hopefully we'll keep in touch as the time progresses.

Still a bit under the weather, will go and curl up with the remote for a few before doing anything major.

Talk about no time.

2005-11-08T18:52:00.000+01:00

This is going to be a quick post as I'm sure I don't have much time.

Will have to do make up posts another time.

Arrived in safely on Wednesday morning, was foggy so didn't get to see much.

Thursday was Bayleigh's first day of school - she seemed to like it.

Friday the schools were out so Bayleigh and I navigated the CMTC bus and got on post, did our errands with the help of the shuttle bus and went to the company's BBQ, that was fun.

Saturday we all walked into the town and walked around. We had a late start so everything was closed but it was still a nice walk.

Sunday was a lazy day.

Monday was a busy day due to running errands.

Today is alright so far. Finishing up the errands from yesterday and going to do a few more things today.

In-Transit in Dallas

2005-11-01T17:18:00.000+01:00

It's an hour before we're due to leave for the airport again and I'm so excited I can't contain myself. I woke up several times this morning smiling... I wonder why! (duh!).

Yesterday ended up being so-so at the end of it all.

Laura, Bayleigh's mother, phoned on Sunday night to ask if she could come by and see Bayleigh before we headed out. Although they didn't get to spend much time together, both Bayleigh and Laura seemed to appreciate it. It did make the goodbye a lot harder for Bayleigh but at least it was done.

Our flight didn't go as expected as it was delayed from Dallas due to the weather so instead of arriving at 8PM we arrived after 10PM. Although Bayleigh is really restless travelling, the cat did wonderfully.

More later.

Finally, the day is almost here...

2005-10-31T20:59:00.000+01:00

And I say this because I don't actually fly to Germany until tomorrow but I do get to fly out today to Dallas and considering what the last few months have been like, it's definately a "finally".

As I write this, Bayleigh is with my BIL (Hawk) and his kids (Sean, Cody and Luke) at Bayleigh's school dancing for the school's harvest thingy. I've packed, re-packed and groaned as I still have stuff yet to be packed.

While I was visiting my parents Rob mailed me 3 boxes of mostly Bayleigh's stuff to send ahead.

The movers didn't take as much as I would have liked (read: NOTHING from the bathrooms other than the trash cans and that's only because I emptied them out and put them in the living room otherwise I was afraid they'd be packed with the trash still in them) so I drove from AZ to Dallas and flew to Louisville with stuff that yes I wanted but no I didn't want in my suitcases. The first few days I was here I thought I had sussed out what I needed packed into the sole box I was going to send. With MIL's help and Grandma's help, I ended up mailing 3 (yes you read that correct) boxes. At that point I said that whatever didn't get packed in the suitcases wouldn't go. I left clothes out for Bayleigh to wear for her last few days here and called it a day. Little did I know that Grandma had more clothes (where they were at heaven only knows) and guess what, the bags are packed and there are still tons more clothes. Guess what won't be going?

I probably should feel bad (heh, but I won't) as the one big bag of clothes are all mine, however there's a case that has Bayleigh's clothes, my duffle (that I was going to flatten and put into another case) also has her clothes and by golly 90% of the contents of the 2 boxes (which cost me $100 to mail to Germany) is all her clothes. In addition to that all of the clothes that were sent ahead were Bayleigh's.

Oh well, if need be (and time permits) I'll buy another case that'll whole more than my duffle, but that'll wait until we're in Dallas as I'm not fooling with it now (yeah and I say that but Grandma hasn't seen how much clothes are still there).

What I should be doing instead of blogging is packing up a box to mail to my mother. To make a long story short, my mother has seen the informercial for the Magic Bullet on television and since Walgreens had it on sale (minus the bonuses of the blender attachment and the juice extractor, neither of which my mother will really use... she already has a blender, plus she hasn't seen the end of the informercial where it lists those two items) I bought it. I seriously considered packing it and taking it with me to Germany however it won't fit. Yes, we're back to the same issue again.

Anyway other than those things, I think I'm all set. Raja (cat) has been seen and has his okay to travel (need to make a copy to attach to the cage though). I have our passports, orders, IDs, name of hotel (oops, need to call them before so they know to pick us up from the airport). I guess I'm going to end here so I can get a move on.

It'll be a few more days before I can get online again. Next post will be from the other side of the pond.

Slightly amused, slightly annoyed...

2005-10-25T20:26:00.000+02:00

Where do I begin in this sad tale?

Several months ago on a Friday night, someone I once considered a friend did something I can't quite forget and at this writing, can't quite forgive either.

To me a good friend is someone who is in tune with your emotions and body language enough to realise when something is wrong and is able to read the non verbal cues. This same person should be secure enough in the relationship to know that some things won't be shared, but sometimes it's not the telling of the issue that counts but the inquiry.

With that said, I asked a mutual person whether said person was doing alright. Response received was that they weren't and I proceeded the following day to ask whether they were okay.

For my trouble I was blown off and the person in question has never made an effort since to communicate with me.

This is about two and a half months later, I've since left the vicinity and now she's decided that she doesn't understand why it happened and doesn't guess she'll ever understand why. Of course with her having the victim mentality, she wants to blame everyone instead of taking responsibility for her own actions.

Does it annoy me, yes, because I feel that if we had what I would consider a lasting friendship, this wouldn't have happened, or it wouldn't have been allowed to continue for as long as it had. For her to suggest several months later that it's due to other issues or from venom spewed by another person (who I do consider a dear friend) is ludacris, demeaning and outright assinine.

After much headaches and lack of sleep...

2005-10-23T19:12:00.000+02:00

I'm here in Louisville spending time with the in-laws before I head out to Germany.

The last several weeks have been fantastic, stressful, bittersweet, heart breaking, wonderful, tiring and I can't believe it's over with.

The Monday I got my orders I started planning my trip to see my parents. I was luckily able to get a ticket on Tuesday for a fairly decent price given the destination and it being at the last minute. The catalyst to travel fairly quickly was because of my friend T. She had her last bout of chemo and was due to start radiation within 2 weeks and I needed to see her before she left for radiation as that was for 6 weeks.

My two cousins, Gill and Neil, along with T and Asti were both in on the surprise. Asti picked me up from the airport and I was able to surprise my parents as neither of them knew I was arriving in. We had a lovely visit and I can't believe that the two weeks flew by so quickly. The end of the trip was nicely punctuated by going back to where I lived my formative years and they aren't kidding when they say you can't ever go home. I was able to see a relative of mine who I haven't seen in years and although it was bittersweet I was happy to see her.

I arrived back in Arizona only to pack up the house and leave. My mother flew in so that I wouldn't have to drive to DFW by myself (and boy am I thankful that she did as portions of that drive were unbearable). We had an interesting time driving around DFW on arrival and also the day I turned my car into VPC to say the least. At least we got to see Jon so that was great. I also met her fiance and he seemed rather nice. A lot more talkative than I would imagined, and she even mentioned to me that he's not normally like that in person when you first meet him.

Mom was able to return home safely as we were concerned about hurricane Wilma. She looks like she could be Ivan's evil twin, but thankfully she hasn't made landfall yet and hopefully she won't.

Flew into Louisville on Thursday and all I'm going to say about this segment of the trip is that it'll be a long 10 days however it'll be nice to see the in-laws one last time before we're across the pond for 3 yrs.

On a side note, I'm getting quite a bit of sleep again which I'm very thankful for. I guess my stress level must have been up there as that's the only times in which I have a noticeable lack of sleep. I was averaging about 4 hours of sleep the two weeks prior to seeing my parents and that lasted until I arrived here. I guess the stress was my leaving my car at VPC.

Must remember to take a gas can when I go to pick my car up as the gas light was on.

Can't believe it's Friday already...

2005-09-30T15:40:00.000+02:00

Short Synopsis

Sunday: Arrived in, surprised parents. Saw Astor, Dolly, Izzy, Cecil, Toni, Rosie and Aunt June.

Monday: Saw people at mom's work, hung out with Neil for a wee bit, went by to see Toni in the morning, nothing doing in the afternoon.

Tuesday: Went by CNB, saw Judith, Keith, Audrey, Kevin, Michele, Ellen, Amanda, Rosie, Faith, Elsa, Alicia, Carneth, Delcita and Licci.

Wednesday: Didn't do much in the AM. Went by CINA in the afternoon, learnt lots. Had Memory Bank with Uncle Lee, that was interesting. Came home and posted on c-c about what I'd found out and they were able to help piece in my paternal GGGMother's name.

Thursday: CINA in the morning, overloading my brain with all sorts of genealogical information. Didn't really learn anything useful re: my family tree, discovered that Aunt Martha was born in Cuba though. That was interesting. Also perused Memory Bank transcripts with Lurley and William and Grandma. Grandma's wasn't quite as interesting as many things missing.

SO thinking about going to Munich and Prague, quite jealous but happy, needs to get out and see stuff instead of being blah about lack of American Football.

Humidity galore...

2005-09-28T20:32:00.000+02:00

Been a few days since I've been back to the island. While it's lovely being home and seeing friends and family it is so darn humid. Normally I visit over Christmas but I wanted to come prior to heading the other way across the Atlantic. I must say that it wasn't this humid while I was living here but maybe that's just me fooling myself.

I remember mornings of cold showers, breakfast followed by yet another shower just to cool off from breakfast and then a dash to the car so I wouldn't sweat either before school or work.

Excitement is the theme of this afternoon. I'm heading off to CINA - National Archives - so I hope I find lots of goodies out. Then we're having Indian food for dinner, very excited about that.

Yesterday I was able to see a good majority of the people I used to work with so that was good fun. Most of them still look the same, more so than the bank. Some days I swear I haven't left, but it has been at least 5 years.

What is noticeable is that their children have grown lots bigger, some are even bigger than I am and what's worst is that some even look older than me.

Living the life of good food.

Crazy days were here again.

2005-09-22T16:00:00.000+02:00

It's been a few days since I was on here.

I haven't been sleeping well I guess there is just too much going on upstairs.

This week was supposed to be my laid back week and it has been anything but. Hopefully tonight will be an easy night as I don't have anything much planned after work.

I hope I have everything planned as I'll be leaving for a little over 2 weeks.

Been a crazy few days

2005-09-21T07:47:00.000+02:00

Got a call early Monday morning from STUPO, my orders were here. Went and got info from Transportation about pickup... drove to passports and picked up passports.

This morning went back to transportation and got my pack dates arranged. Had issue with port call, ended up going to main port call and getting more info and got that sorted out.

Tomorrow heading to housing to get dates for clearing. Need to remember to call Mrs. Stewart about dates.

And this was supposed to be the taking it easy week, yah right.

Waking up with roses aka determined to have a good day

2005-09-16T01:54:00.000+02:00

I woke up this morning determined that this was going to be a good day and that nothing or no one would deter me from it.

I made several valiant attempts to blog this morning, but to no avail.

Had a reasonable day at work, went by STUPO and had a lovely chat with Mr. T and my paperwork is on it's way.

As I said to him, I'm glad we're moving forward, even if it's in minute steps, forward is always good.

Tonight is my last AFTB for the week and it's been a lot of fun.

Weather is getting funky on me. I can't keep the cooler on anymore at night or I'll freeze my lil rear off.

EFMP/STUPO... Just another day when things don't go your way

2005-09-15T06:28:00.000+02:00

Today is another one of those days where I feel as though I am at the mercy of someone's whim.

While I sit here giving myself a mental pat on the back for having made contact with STUPO about my orders, I can't help but wonder why I'm astonished about yet another issue.

EFMP is complete and the paperwork (even taking the slow boat to China) would be at STUPO hopefully by early tomorrow.

Went into STUPO to find out whether they'd received said paperwork, no.

Much to everyone's amazement (but mine), I have no orders. Not deferred orders, but no orders. What does that mean for me, no clue. Hoping to hear something tomorrow about what's going on. Apparently certain things should have been from when he was in Korea, and they weren't and the ball just kept being dropped along the way. Hopefully someone will pick it up and run (really really fast) with it.

Just need to keep my spirits up and trust that it'll all work out for the best in the end. Hopefully if I keep repeating that to myself, I'll start believing it.

Karoake commercial night...

2005-09-13T16:16:00.000+02:00

Disclaimer alert... I'm not upset with Michele in the least but others...

Michele asked me to watch her kiddos and that was cool. The only bad part is that they're so close in age and they want to talk to you at the same time but I can't listen to them both at the same time. They were good about trying to wait, which is all you can ask really.

I knew from Connie that there was a commercial being filmed and I was considering going. When Michele asked me to watch her kids, it wasn't really a choice for me. Although I'd enjoy watching Connie sing, I knew I'd have more fun with the girls (the little ones) than being around that certain other person.

This certain other person I'm sure was put on this earth to drive me out of mind. It is unfathomable to me how someone can appear to be nice and friendly and trustworthy but is anything but. There is only so much snubbing and rudeness one can take before enough is enough. I will admit to being confrontational at times, the only times I'm not is when I don't think it's even worth it.

I guess deep down I should feel upset, enraged, saddened,furious, let down, or any sort of emotion really about this certain other person, but the fact is, I don't. I'm relieved, relieved because what friendship I thought we had wasn't worth it. That sounds like a strange sentiment in light of the fact that I used the word friendship however there are just some things I have a hard time dealing with. If I have been good friends with someone (doesn't necessarily have anything do with the length of time I've known them) I'll fight for the relationship, however this wasn't one of those cases. The good thing is that I found out now before I wasted anymore time. I don't deal with BS well and am more likely to call you on it (which probably doesn't serve any purpose other than to add more fuel to the fire) and she comes off as pure BS to me.

I've been hurt many times by friends, people I considered family, in various other relationships too many times to give someone the opportunity and the fuel to do so. Maybe that's part of what Mari means when she says I'm not the same person she met. If that is what it takes, then I'll never be that person again. It doesn't hurt any less the 5th or 55th time you get your heart stomped on and more often than not, it wasn't worth it.

So while I feel this way, I don't wish her any ill will and I've forgiven her. Forgiven her for her lack of respect for another's feelings; forgiven her for her lack of being able to relate to another person; forgiven her for living in her head where she is supreme goddess and can do no wrong, forgiven her for being herself. With that being said, I choose not to interact with her. Forgiveness comes with a price, and the price is that I have no interaction with her. I don't want to be in a situation where this could potentially happen again. It would be one thing if she were to even have enough compassion or empathy for another person, to fully understand what she's doing. I don't think she emotionally capable of doing so, as I write this, I don't think she's emotionally or mentally mature. She's 50 (whether she likes to admit it or not) and behaves like a high schooler. Maybe that's the maturity level that she's really at, and maybe we shouldn't expect anything else. Those of us who have finished high school remember those days with mixed feelings of dread and fondness. Another thought is maybe she really doesn't care. As long as people will forgive her and carry on, then she doesn't have to change. While I accept that we have to love people faults and all, sometimes we hurt those we don't mean to. If they are important enough to us, they shouldn't have to ask us to change, we should want to, want to be a better person. None of us are perfect and we could all use a little fine tuning.

This just brings me back to why I'm ever so slightly irritated with the other person.

Michele made it clear that she was going to drive as she needed to home by a certain time. This person in question understood that and said it wasn't a problem and that she'd take Michele. Maybe it is me, however when I offer to drive someone somewhere, if they have to be home by a certain time, I'm keeping my eyes on the clock. This didn't happen and apparently Michele had to all but insist on being taken home. I wouldn't say this is the first time this has happened and I know it won't be the last time, but it irks how selfish some people can be.

That's my mental purging for the day.

One year ago... and so it begins

2005-09-12T16:00:00.000+02:00

Last year this time I was an emotional wreck. This was the first day of a very long and bittersweet road. Before I go any further, the only disclaimer I'd like to add is that nothing that happened was physical, only emotional, psychological, mental, meta-physical but certainly not physical.

September 12th last year as I watched the almost non-existant coverage of Hurricane Ivan a dark cloud descended over me. The longer I watched, the darker the cloud and it was days before I saw the sunshine.

Hours passed by, sometimes painfully slow and other times at seemingly supersonic speed. I don't remember eating but I must have; if only out of sheer determination not to pass out but to see this through to the end. To face life, fate and mortality with my head up and tears in my eyes.

There aren't many days that stick out in my mind with absolute clarity. September 11, 2001 and September 12, 2004 just happen to be two of those days and they will forever be etched in my memory as if carved by a bloody dagger that was ripped out of my heart.