Disclaimer alert... I'm not upset with Michele in the least but others...
Michele asked me to watch her kiddos and that was cool. The only bad part is that they're so close in age and they want to talk to you at the same time but I can't listen to them both at the same time. They were good about trying to wait, which is all you can ask really.
I knew from Connie that there was a commercial being filmed and I was considering going. When Michele asked me to watch her kids, it wasn't really a choice for me. Although I'd enjoy watching Connie sing, I knew I'd have more fun with the girls (the little ones) than being around that certain other person.
This certain other person I'm sure was put on this earth to drive me out of mind. It is unfathomable to me how someone can appear to be nice and friendly and trustworthy but is anything but. There is only so much snubbing and rudeness one can take before enough is enough. I will admit to being confrontational at times, the only times I'm not is when I don't think it's even worth it.
I guess deep down I should feel upset, enraged, saddened,furious, let down, or any sort of emotion really about this certain other person, but the fact is, I don't. I'm relieved, relieved because what friendship I thought we had wasn't worth it. That sounds like a strange sentiment in light of the fact that I used the word friendship however there are just some things I have a hard time dealing with. If I have been good friends with someone (doesn't necessarily have anything do with the length of time I've known them) I'll fight for the relationship, however this wasn't one of those cases. The good thing is that I found out now before I wasted anymore time. I don't deal with BS well and am more likely to call you on it (which probably doesn't serve any purpose other than to add more fuel to the fire) and she comes off as pure BS to me.
I've been hurt many times by friends, people I considered family, in various other relationships too many times to give someone the opportunity and the fuel to do so. Maybe that's part of what Mari means when she says I'm not the same person she met. If that is what it takes, then I'll never be that person again. It doesn't hurt any less the 5th or 55th time you get your heart stomped on and more often than not, it wasn't worth it.
So while I feel this way, I don't wish her any ill will and I've forgiven her. Forgiven her for her lack of respect for another's feelings; forgiven her for her lack of being able to relate to another person; forgiven her for living in her head where she is supreme goddess and can do no wrong, forgiven her for being herself. With that being said, I choose not to interact with her. Forgiveness comes with a price, and the price is that I have no interaction with her. I don't want to be in a situation where this could potentially happen again. It would be one thing if she were to even have enough compassion or empathy for another person, to fully understand what she's doing. I don't think she emotionally capable of doing so, as I write this, I don't think she's emotionally or mentally mature. She's 50 (whether she likes to admit it or not) and behaves like a high schooler. Maybe that's the maturity level that she's really at, and maybe we shouldn't expect anything else. Those of us who have finished high school remember those days with mixed feelings of dread and fondness. Another thought is maybe she really doesn't care. As long as people will forgive her and carry on, then she doesn't have to change. While I accept that we have to love people faults and all, sometimes we hurt those we don't mean to. If they are important enough to us, they shouldn't have to ask us to change, we should want to, want to be a better person. None of us are perfect and we could all use a little fine tuning.
This just brings me back to why I'm ever so slightly irritated with the other person.
Michele made it clear that she was going to drive as she needed to home by a certain time. This person in question understood that and said it wasn't a problem and that she'd take Michele. Maybe it is me, however when I offer to drive someone somewhere, if they have to be home by a certain time, I'm keeping my eyes on the clock. This didn't happen and apparently Michele had to all but insist on being taken home. I wouldn't say this is the first time this has happened and I know it won't be the last time, but it irks how selfish some people can be.
That's my mental purging for the day.
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