This maybe my past post for a while.
Hubby deploys soon and will take his laptop with him. In the rush to get his PMP done and the house unpacked, I haven't had opportunity to look at the other computers. The Dell (which was working up until the moment when it was packed) may have an issue with the onboard video card (bleh!) and the other computer needs to have the OS re-installed (hate the blue screen of death). So while I will have internet access at the house, I won't have anything to access it with.
With that out of the way, I will have access to the internet at the library (once school starts back, may ask my neighbour to use hers) and may end up going there daily or every other day.
I wish everyone the best for the New Year's.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Bad headspace.
It is hard to be a cheerful and chipper person when you have to interact with certain people.
Right now I'm more than a little annoyed and I wish I knew why, I know better, I don't expect anything different and yet I'm still annoyed.
I asked the husband to do one little thing, set up the tv and dvd in the bedroom so that I can watch tv or a dvd while I unpack the bedroom. Well I guess I should have been more specific as he did set it up but none of it worked. I got such a look (now if I could do this on my own I would have done so and not bothered to ask him) and back upstairs he went. Apparently tv1 doesn't have the necessary bits to plug dvd1 into, so he had to switch tvs. Now instead of hooking tv2 (which doesn't have a remote) into dvd1 (I have the remote for this one) , he hooks it into dvd2 (which does have a remote, but he couldn't be bothered to look for it). I get back to the bedroom, it all apparently works but neither the tv nor the dvd player has a remote. Instead of being thoughtful and bringing up one of those all-in-one remotes of which we have plenty (I have no idea where anything is in the basement, that's his area and has it organized his own way) he just gives me a look of disgust which says that nothing he does is ever good enough and stomps back downstairs. Does he come back upstairs, no. He just has a foul attitude and didn't even come to bed.
That was last night. Has he spoken to me today? Yes, to ask two questions. If I needed anything while he went out, and later on if I knew where his cap was. Otherwise he hasn't said one word to me. I dislike dealing with people who want to act childish, so I spent a good bit of this morning catching up with my book and letting him have quality time with his daughter as he'll be deploying soon and I think they could use all of the QT they can get. Boy I shouldn't have bothered. Now he makes me out to bed the one with the attitude and the only thing she has said to me today is that I *have* to cook tonight because there are no leftovers. Why do I feel like a f**king maid and housekeeper. I'm getting sick and tired of this BS.
First the girl-child gets upset the other day and says I spend all day on the computer (converting his F'ing mp3s in the hopes they'll be done before he deploys as he's taking the laptop with him) and then when I'm not doing that I'm cooking. It drives me up the wall that she expects that whenever she is home that I should devote every waking hour to her. That I should cater to her every whim just because she's awake.
I suppose all in all it wouldn't bother me with the exception that the few things I have selfishly bought for myself, she's decided that she could play with them as if they were hers and feels no remorse for destroying said items. She just lies about it, shrugs her shoulders and does it again. There are times when I wish I could lock things away, however why should I have to do that when she's old enough to learn to leave other people's things alone.
I am so not in a good headspace right now. I'm going to head out and watch tv in the bedroom (that I had to dick around with so at least one works with a remote). Maybe after he's deployed I'll locate one of the all-in-one remotes so I'll have a remote to work with the tv.
Right now I'm more than a little annoyed and I wish I knew why, I know better, I don't expect anything different and yet I'm still annoyed.
I asked the husband to do one little thing, set up the tv and dvd in the bedroom so that I can watch tv or a dvd while I unpack the bedroom. Well I guess I should have been more specific as he did set it up but none of it worked. I got such a look (now if I could do this on my own I would have done so and not bothered to ask him) and back upstairs he went. Apparently tv1 doesn't have the necessary bits to plug dvd1 into, so he had to switch tvs. Now instead of hooking tv2 (which doesn't have a remote) into dvd1 (I have the remote for this one) , he hooks it into dvd2 (which does have a remote, but he couldn't be bothered to look for it). I get back to the bedroom, it all apparently works but neither the tv nor the dvd player has a remote. Instead of being thoughtful and bringing up one of those all-in-one remotes of which we have plenty (I have no idea where anything is in the basement, that's his area and has it organized his own way) he just gives me a look of disgust which says that nothing he does is ever good enough and stomps back downstairs. Does he come back upstairs, no. He just has a foul attitude and didn't even come to bed.
That was last night. Has he spoken to me today? Yes, to ask two questions. If I needed anything while he went out, and later on if I knew where his cap was. Otherwise he hasn't said one word to me. I dislike dealing with people who want to act childish, so I spent a good bit of this morning catching up with my book and letting him have quality time with his daughter as he'll be deploying soon and I think they could use all of the QT they can get. Boy I shouldn't have bothered. Now he makes me out to bed the one with the attitude and the only thing she has said to me today is that I *have* to cook tonight because there are no leftovers. Why do I feel like a f**king maid and housekeeper. I'm getting sick and tired of this BS.
First the girl-child gets upset the other day and says I spend all day on the computer (converting his F'ing mp3s in the hopes they'll be done before he deploys as he's taking the laptop with him) and then when I'm not doing that I'm cooking. It drives me up the wall that she expects that whenever she is home that I should devote every waking hour to her. That I should cater to her every whim just because she's awake.
I suppose all in all it wouldn't bother me with the exception that the few things I have selfishly bought for myself, she's decided that she could play with them as if they were hers and feels no remorse for destroying said items. She just lies about it, shrugs her shoulders and does it again. There are times when I wish I could lock things away, however why should I have to do that when she's old enough to learn to leave other people's things alone.
I am so not in a good headspace right now. I'm going to head out and watch tv in the bedroom (that I had to dick around with so at least one works with a remote). Maybe after he's deployed I'll locate one of the all-in-one remotes so I'll have a remote to work with the tv.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Can I be anymore tired?
There have been times when I wonder if there are different levels of tiredness or if there is any way to measure tiredness. The last thought I have before succuming to sleep is that I hope tomorrow will be different. I wake up with a lot of energy which seems to fizzle around 5pm. Why oh why?
I have no idea where most of today went, we got a lot done, but it didn't feel like it took as long as it did.
It is only 6:37pm here and if I didn' t know any better I'd think it was 10pm at night. The only bad thing about it being not quite 7pm is that I have the bedroom to organize now. Yesterday the people finally came for the extra furniture that was in the bedroom so now we can actually sleep in the bedroom (at least after I get it all organized and off my bed). Maybe I'll grab a nap and get my second wind.
While we were out today I had to figure out what to get the girl-child from my parents. Whenever we're not home to celebrate my parents always send money so that we can buy ourselves something. The nice thing about that is that my mother always says that we don't have to portion it out equally in thirds, she'll leave that to me. I was thinking on the way to Vilseck that I should buy the girl-child the C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia series since the movie is out and I know she'd enjoy the book/s. What was I thinking? When Peter Jackson did the Lord of the Rings series, they rereleased all of the books where you couldn't turn around without seeing one. With that in mind, I figured they'd do the same with Narnia, well they may have but could I find *one* book? Nope. So I had to get the girl-child other books instead. I can't remember off the top of my head when I ended up getting her, I just hope she'll like them. There's only 4+ days until Christmas and I can't wait. It's not the opening of the presents but I haven't been able to find my tape etc to wrap these presents and what I'm really tired of is the girl-child trying to peek.
Oh well, I'm going to nap (I just hope it's a nap and not my going to sleep for the night) and hopefully find some more energy when I wake back up.
I have no idea where most of today went, we got a lot done, but it didn't feel like it took as long as it did.
It is only 6:37pm here and if I didn' t know any better I'd think it was 10pm at night. The only bad thing about it being not quite 7pm is that I have the bedroom to organize now. Yesterday the people finally came for the extra furniture that was in the bedroom so now we can actually sleep in the bedroom (at least after I get it all organized and off my bed). Maybe I'll grab a nap and get my second wind.
While we were out today I had to figure out what to get the girl-child from my parents. Whenever we're not home to celebrate my parents always send money so that we can buy ourselves something. The nice thing about that is that my mother always says that we don't have to portion it out equally in thirds, she'll leave that to me. I was thinking on the way to Vilseck that I should buy the girl-child the C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia series since the movie is out and I know she'd enjoy the book/s. What was I thinking? When Peter Jackson did the Lord of the Rings series, they rereleased all of the books where you couldn't turn around without seeing one. With that in mind, I figured they'd do the same with Narnia, well they may have but could I find *one* book? Nope. So I had to get the girl-child other books instead. I can't remember off the top of my head when I ended up getting her, I just hope she'll like them. There's only 4+ days until Christmas and I can't wait. It's not the opening of the presents but I haven't been able to find my tape etc to wrap these presents and what I'm really tired of is the girl-child trying to peek.
Oh well, I'm going to nap (I just hope it's a nap and not my going to sleep for the night) and hopefully find some more energy when I wake back up.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Finally, some of these stinkin things are done...
Even though I'm tired as I write this, I am pleased with myself that I managed to stratch everything from my to-do list for today besides going to the German Post office. I drove right by it, couldn't find any parking and then noticed that I was running late to get home before the girl-child, so off I went. Of course the freezing rain and the wind didn't help matters any.
So I talked to the hubby this morning about Christmas dinner. He does agree with me that it's too much to cook for the 3 of us. Before you start to wonder what I'm talking about, I'll explain. I'm an only child and Christmas for me was more about having a good time with family and friends than presents. Up until the age of 20, my Christmas dinners were spent with my parents and family friends. After 20 our Christmas dinner changed to what they are now. Christmas dinner which normally was at a particular cousin's house, now rotates from one house to the next. Everyone brings a couple of dishes and we all sit around and have a good time. It is common to have quite a number of people over for Christmas who aren't relatives and to be honest, we quite enjoy having people around. With that being said, there is always so much food, that you can't say you can't find anything to eat. The theory behind our Christmas dinners seem to be that if you like a particular dish, it'll be there for dinner. The first year my husband had dinner with my family he thought he'd stepped out of the wrong door and entered a feast worthy of some small royal family.
Needless to say, with being brought up like that, I tend to make Christmas dinners the same way. The last time I cooked Christmas dinner, I made stove top stuffing (cuz hubby likes it), cornbread dressing (cuz I like it), giblet gravy (hubby), turkey gravy (moi), succotash (hubby), green bean casserole (everyone), corn, cobb salad, ham, turkey, candied yams (moi), rice n beans (everyone), cranberry sauce, rolls and I can't remember what else.
As I was saying before, he agreed that it's too much to do for 3 people and that we should just enjoy the Christmas day so we'll go to the dining facility for dinner. Then on boxing day (day after Christmas) I'll cook the turkey etc, that way we will have leftovers and can chomp on those for a while.
I have a small pet peeve I'd like to share. What starts off as a little issue soon tends to keep doubling in size until I can't keep it in anymore. It drives me nuts when someone invites you somewhere and says that you can ride with them. They give you the time that they are leaving and that's that. When the day comes around, they actually leave before they said they will so you have to find alternate transport there, of course there is no knock on the door or message left saying that there was a change of plans. Okay I was a little tweaked about it, but okay. That same night we (girl-child and I) were invited to an event they were having out of town this weekend. They know that we have no idea how to get there but we do have transport so that is not an issue. They mentioned something about us following them up and guess what, they've done it again. Although the event isn't until tomorrow, they've already left town without a word. So once again I'm a little tweaked but I'm thinking that this will allow me to get the house cleared and cleaned once and for all. The girl-child is on winter break as of Monday so it's going to be getting everything done.
Hubby was so sweet yesterday. He bought me a poinsettia home, I thought that was so thoughtful. He knows how much I love plants and it's a little one so it doesn't take up too much space.
So I talked to the hubby this morning about Christmas dinner. He does agree with me that it's too much to cook for the 3 of us. Before you start to wonder what I'm talking about, I'll explain. I'm an only child and Christmas for me was more about having a good time with family and friends than presents. Up until the age of 20, my Christmas dinners were spent with my parents and family friends. After 20 our Christmas dinner changed to what they are now. Christmas dinner which normally was at a particular cousin's house, now rotates from one house to the next. Everyone brings a couple of dishes and we all sit around and have a good time. It is common to have quite a number of people over for Christmas who aren't relatives and to be honest, we quite enjoy having people around. With that being said, there is always so much food, that you can't say you can't find anything to eat. The theory behind our Christmas dinners seem to be that if you like a particular dish, it'll be there for dinner. The first year my husband had dinner with my family he thought he'd stepped out of the wrong door and entered a feast worthy of some small royal family.
Needless to say, with being brought up like that, I tend to make Christmas dinners the same way. The last time I cooked Christmas dinner, I made stove top stuffing (cuz hubby likes it), cornbread dressing (cuz I like it), giblet gravy (hubby), turkey gravy (moi), succotash (hubby), green bean casserole (everyone), corn, cobb salad, ham, turkey, candied yams (moi), rice n beans (everyone), cranberry sauce, rolls and I can't remember what else.
As I was saying before, he agreed that it's too much to do for 3 people and that we should just enjoy the Christmas day so we'll go to the dining facility for dinner. Then on boxing day (day after Christmas) I'll cook the turkey etc, that way we will have leftovers and can chomp on those for a while.
I have a small pet peeve I'd like to share. What starts off as a little issue soon tends to keep doubling in size until I can't keep it in anymore. It drives me nuts when someone invites you somewhere and says that you can ride with them. They give you the time that they are leaving and that's that. When the day comes around, they actually leave before they said they will so you have to find alternate transport there, of course there is no knock on the door or message left saying that there was a change of plans. Okay I was a little tweaked about it, but okay. That same night we (girl-child and I) were invited to an event they were having out of town this weekend. They know that we have no idea how to get there but we do have transport so that is not an issue. They mentioned something about us following them up and guess what, they've done it again. Although the event isn't until tomorrow, they've already left town without a word. So once again I'm a little tweaked but I'm thinking that this will allow me to get the house cleared and cleaned once and for all. The girl-child is on winter break as of Monday so it's going to be getting everything done.
Hubby was so sweet yesterday. He bought me a poinsettia home, I thought that was so thoughtful. He knows how much I love plants and it's a little one so it doesn't take up too much space.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
The days have flown by.
I just realised that the last time I posted was on Tuesday. The last couple of days have flown by and yet I can barely remember them. this is neither good nor bad, just factual.
Last night I had such grand plans in my head for today. I knew what I was going to do and where I was going and went to bed with a smile on my face ready to face the next day. My husband calls it my deranged moment, all I know is that I found myself wide awake after having sat straight up in bed for what at the time felt like no reason. This sudden movement woke him up and startled him. I figured that it must be some sort of internal mechanism telling me to heed mother nature's call. In hindsight I must say I was lucky. Between the bed and the bathroom there is a flight of stairs and as I was out of it, I almost felt down the flight of stairs. Minutes later I found myself back in bed and drifting off to sleep, however I felt so tired this morning it was unbelievable. Someone could have told me that I ran a marathon and I would have believed them. There must have been something in the air as the husband and girl-child were just as exhausted as I was. Go figure.
The two hours I was up this morning was long enough to wake the girl-child up, make sure she had a bath (we were out late last night so she didn't get to have one before she went to bed), fixed her breakfast and lunch and make sure she got off to catch the bus on time. Shortly after I had fallen back asleep my husband calls. I am sure he feels (although he doesn't say anything) that I sleep off and on all day (I wish) so when I happened to mention during the short conversation that he woke me up, he didn't sound the least bit surprised. His phone call was to tell me that he'd be coming home soon (which ended up being 2 hours later). By now I figured the day was shot, all of my grand plans just fizzled out like some cheap champagne.
The upside to this day is that hubby thought he'd forgotten some paperwork at the office. Due to the time we had to wait for the girl-child to come home before we could head out. Since I didn't have anything concrete planned for dinner, he decided that we should have fish, fries and whatever other sides we could find. While at the commissary we won what looks like a 25lb turkey. I was quite pleased but now I feel like I have to cook Christmas dinner. Must find out what he wants to do and what our neighbours are doing. That is certainly a lot of turkey for 3 people and even though I normally freeze quite a bit of it afterwards, we could have turkey for months to come.
The tired monster has captured me again. I'm not quite sure what is going on. My eating habits won't indicate that I'm deficient in anything so maybe it's the lack of exercise that is doing me in. Hubby suggested today that I may feel a lot better and have more energy if I start working out again. His response to my saying that I was going to wait until the new year was to wonder if it was going to be my new year's resolution. That wasn't the reason at all. This friday is the start of the school's winter break and I can't in good conscience start working out when I should be spending time with the girl-child. Not to mention that hubby is taking some leave so we can go on a couple of trips before he heads to the sandbox. Plus, I'm not one for New Year's resolutions as they never work out, so I don't do them.
Off to do some more work on his music file conversion. Yay! (not!)
Last night I had such grand plans in my head for today. I knew what I was going to do and where I was going and went to bed with a smile on my face ready to face the next day. My husband calls it my deranged moment, all I know is that I found myself wide awake after having sat straight up in bed for what at the time felt like no reason. This sudden movement woke him up and startled him. I figured that it must be some sort of internal mechanism telling me to heed mother nature's call. In hindsight I must say I was lucky. Between the bed and the bathroom there is a flight of stairs and as I was out of it, I almost felt down the flight of stairs. Minutes later I found myself back in bed and drifting off to sleep, however I felt so tired this morning it was unbelievable. Someone could have told me that I ran a marathon and I would have believed them. There must have been something in the air as the husband and girl-child were just as exhausted as I was. Go figure.
The two hours I was up this morning was long enough to wake the girl-child up, make sure she had a bath (we were out late last night so she didn't get to have one before she went to bed), fixed her breakfast and lunch and make sure she got off to catch the bus on time. Shortly after I had fallen back asleep my husband calls. I am sure he feels (although he doesn't say anything) that I sleep off and on all day (I wish) so when I happened to mention during the short conversation that he woke me up, he didn't sound the least bit surprised. His phone call was to tell me that he'd be coming home soon (which ended up being 2 hours later). By now I figured the day was shot, all of my grand plans just fizzled out like some cheap champagne.
The upside to this day is that hubby thought he'd forgotten some paperwork at the office. Due to the time we had to wait for the girl-child to come home before we could head out. Since I didn't have anything concrete planned for dinner, he decided that we should have fish, fries and whatever other sides we could find. While at the commissary we won what looks like a 25lb turkey. I was quite pleased but now I feel like I have to cook Christmas dinner. Must find out what he wants to do and what our neighbours are doing. That is certainly a lot of turkey for 3 people and even though I normally freeze quite a bit of it afterwards, we could have turkey for months to come.
The tired monster has captured me again. I'm not quite sure what is going on. My eating habits won't indicate that I'm deficient in anything so maybe it's the lack of exercise that is doing me in. Hubby suggested today that I may feel a lot better and have more energy if I start working out again. His response to my saying that I was going to wait until the new year was to wonder if it was going to be my new year's resolution. That wasn't the reason at all. This friday is the start of the school's winter break and I can't in good conscience start working out when I should be spending time with the girl-child. Not to mention that hubby is taking some leave so we can go on a couple of trips before he heads to the sandbox. Plus, I'm not one for New Year's resolutions as they never work out, so I don't do them.
Off to do some more work on his music file conversion. Yay! (not!)
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
A lovely Quiet Day
While I didn't accomplish anything on my list today, it was lovely and quiet.
I spent practically all day converting Mpeg-4 files to Mp3 files for Robert. Not only does he have quite a number of these to do, but the software using to convert them doesn't retain any of the pertinent information. Needless to say, after 10 hours I'm still at the letter C.
After the last several days I've had, it was quite a pleasure to have an easy going day.
As I said before all of my Christmas presents have been bought. I got the hubby a couple of CDs, DVDs and books (just to open on Christmas morning. He's been playing with his PMP since he got it) and got the girl-child a DVD since hubby already got her presents. My dad's christmas present even came in yesterday and I guess I need to go head to the post office to mail that. Unfortunately it won't get there in time for Christmas, but he'll still appreciate it anyway.
For once, not a lot to say. I may have to drive around tomorrow. I'm not quite sure I'm ready for it, but I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Hubby mentioned taking leave before he heads to the sandbox and wants to know where we're going. I haven't made any reservations or anything like that but I mentioned Italy and Czech Republic. Not sure that we'll do Italy but since Praha (Prague) is close by, we may end up going there. I'm very excited. A penpal (who I have met) lives there and he promised to show us around if we made it out that way. I can't wait. I've heard such good things about Praha.
With all of that excitement I've just tired myself out. So I think I'm going to turn in early. These early mornings are wearing me out. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day.
I spent practically all day converting Mpeg-4 files to Mp3 files for Robert. Not only does he have quite a number of these to do, but the software using to convert them doesn't retain any of the pertinent information. Needless to say, after 10 hours I'm still at the letter C.
After the last several days I've had, it was quite a pleasure to have an easy going day.
As I said before all of my Christmas presents have been bought. I got the hubby a couple of CDs, DVDs and books (just to open on Christmas morning. He's been playing with his PMP since he got it) and got the girl-child a DVD since hubby already got her presents. My dad's christmas present even came in yesterday and I guess I need to go head to the post office to mail that. Unfortunately it won't get there in time for Christmas, but he'll still appreciate it anyway.
For once, not a lot to say. I may have to drive around tomorrow. I'm not quite sure I'm ready for it, but I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Hubby mentioned taking leave before he heads to the sandbox and wants to know where we're going. I haven't made any reservations or anything like that but I mentioned Italy and Czech Republic. Not sure that we'll do Italy but since Praha (Prague) is close by, we may end up going there. I'm very excited. A penpal (who I have met) lives there and he promised to show us around if we made it out that way. I can't wait. I've heard such good things about Praha.
With all of that excitement I've just tired myself out. So I think I'm going to turn in early. These early mornings are wearing me out. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Tiredness seems to be a new way of life.
The weekend great considering a few rough spots.
Friday night my neighbour took me shopping with her to this grocery store that has a lot more selection what we can find around here. I only went with the intention of getting stuff to make lasagna (per the hubby's request) and ended up buying all sorts of German and Polish sausages among other things. It is a good thing I had plenty of money with me.
Saturday the girl-child and I walked about 3/4 of a mile to the grocery store nearby to see what they have. Although we've been there before, I was told that they have much better prices than the store right across from me (can believe that as things there seem a bit pricey) so we had to go look. Yeah ended up spending what money I didn't spend on Friday night, but that was okay.
Sunday I got up early (4am) to start cooking for the evening event. We were going to drive to Vilseck which is about a 45 minute drive and I didn't want to have to rush when we got back. Gave considerable thought to not going as the morning didn't start off well. However I remembered that I had started a new leaf so off I went. It is just as well. I ended up buying hubby's presents (these are little things that go underneath the tree) and even got something for the girl-child.
From there we rushed back so that I could finish making the fresh vegetable pizza (I had started the crust earlier) and made a large cobb salad. Then off we dashed to the Christmas Party. The girl-child had a good time, I was so tired that all I could do was eat and try not to pass out. We headed home shortly after Santa arrived and handed out the presents.
Today was something else. I had to be at the drivers testing area before 8. The Germans are very prompt and if something is supposed to start at 8 and you're not in the room, they lock the door. So of course I made sure I was there. I figured we'd have a 2 hour ordeal that I'd have to sit through, instead we sat through a 20 minute video and then I headed to library to try and absorb more information. Hubby surprised me at the library as I was sitting down with some magazines and was about to tune the world out for the next two hours. So instead of sitting there for hours, we had lunch together.
The drivers test was at 1pm and I did alright. I missed more than I was hoping to, but sometimes it helps if you're paying attention. The darned vision test (erm, I think I need my prescription updated) was almost harder than the darned drivers test. Anyway I have my temporary license while I await the regular one in the mail, so I guess I won't be chauffered anymore, nuts!
Friday night my neighbour took me shopping with her to this grocery store that has a lot more selection what we can find around here. I only went with the intention of getting stuff to make lasagna (per the hubby's request) and ended up buying all sorts of German and Polish sausages among other things. It is a good thing I had plenty of money with me.
Saturday the girl-child and I walked about 3/4 of a mile to the grocery store nearby to see what they have. Although we've been there before, I was told that they have much better prices than the store right across from me (can believe that as things there seem a bit pricey) so we had to go look. Yeah ended up spending what money I didn't spend on Friday night, but that was okay.
Sunday I got up early (4am) to start cooking for the evening event. We were going to drive to Vilseck which is about a 45 minute drive and I didn't want to have to rush when we got back. Gave considerable thought to not going as the morning didn't start off well. However I remembered that I had started a new leaf so off I went. It is just as well. I ended up buying hubby's presents (these are little things that go underneath the tree) and even got something for the girl-child.
From there we rushed back so that I could finish making the fresh vegetable pizza (I had started the crust earlier) and made a large cobb salad. Then off we dashed to the Christmas Party. The girl-child had a good time, I was so tired that all I could do was eat and try not to pass out. We headed home shortly after Santa arrived and handed out the presents.
Today was something else. I had to be at the drivers testing area before 8. The Germans are very prompt and if something is supposed to start at 8 and you're not in the room, they lock the door. So of course I made sure I was there. I figured we'd have a 2 hour ordeal that I'd have to sit through, instead we sat through a 20 minute video and then I headed to library to try and absorb more information. Hubby surprised me at the library as I was sitting down with some magazines and was about to tune the world out for the next two hours. So instead of sitting there for hours, we had lunch together.
The drivers test was at 1pm and I did alright. I missed more than I was hoping to, but sometimes it helps if you're paying attention. The darned vision test (erm, I think I need my prescription updated) was almost harder than the darned drivers test. Anyway I have my temporary license while I await the regular one in the mail, so I guess I won't be chauffered anymore, nuts!
Friday, December 09, 2005
A New Start
After getting that all out of my system the last post, I've decided to start over. That was the beginning of the process, just getting it out there. I spoke to my girlfriend Toni this morning. I won't go into her health details, but needless to say she recently had radiation treatment and is back doing chemo treatment now. The lady she had most of her chemo and radiation treatment has died. It wasn't due to the cancer but between her negative attitude and always dwelling on the bad, the common concensus is that upon hearing some distressing news, she gave up. See the power of negativity. What really cemented it for me was an editorial piece I read this morning about there being two kinds of people in this world; The doers and the talkers. The optimist and pessimist. The advocate and the whiner.
In the process of looking for myself I'm going to attempt to not be the whiner and the pessimist but look for the silver lining for every cloud.
So the silver linings for today:
I am IMing my buddy Dan in PA
I've cleared off the dining table (finally)
The boxes that were blocking the entrance to the kitchen have been emptied and put away.
On to do more stuff...
In the process of looking for myself I'm going to attempt to not be the whiner and the pessimist but look for the silver lining for every cloud.
So the silver linings for today:
I am IMing my buddy Dan in PA
I've cleared off the dining table (finally)
The boxes that were blocking the entrance to the kitchen have been emptied and put away.
On to do more stuff...
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
How did this happen?
When I originally started this blog, it wasn't intended to be a place to bitch and moan. Certainly not to bitch about the girl-child, anything political, religious or otherwise. The idea was for me to put to paper (virtual in this case) my more creative side. Despite the last several (practically all) posts, I do have a creative side and a wild imagination.
I guess the stresses in dealing with people (drama where I just moved from that is still continuing and seemingly getting worst, not better and the drama surrounding where I now live not to mention the girl-child), the move, the unpacking... have stifled my creative juices. I'm wound tighter than a ball of yarn and I feel the tension in my body everytime I move.
While I know this funk that I'm in won't last forever, it bothers me that it's been allowed to go on for so long. I used to be quite carefree and let things roll off my back, but I seemed to have fallen off that cobblestone paved road and have been walking in the ditch beside it. Now if I could only find a narrow path back to the road I'd be a lot happier. There is no telling how long I've been walking in the ditch but I didn't realise it until a gal-pal of mine pointed it out (like 4 years ago). Sad eh?
I'm hoping that when my house is all unpacked, put away, sorted, cleaned etc, that I will be able to find some me time during the day (helps that I'm not working) to tap back into my creative side.
This may sound weird to some of you (it is okay, I'm weird, I can admit it, I embrace it) but I feel cut off from myself because of the funk. I've always had dreams. Some of those come true (it's almost like watching a movie before it comes out) while others don't. I've always felt that the ones that don't come true are more of a warning than something that is absolute. Of course there are those dreams that stem from my creative side and believe me, I know which ones those are (like watching a weird SF/F movie). I used to be able to "feel" things, subtle things. One fateful night this summer was the first time in a long time I was able to "feel" anything. What I felt wasn't good, or evil, but just a wall of negative energy almost black hole sucking the life and energy out of you. It wasn't very subtle either. That was a big wakeup call for me that this funk I've been in has affected me more than I imagined. In the past I would have been able to detect the slightest traces of negative energy but this time it was almost like it I was standing in between two converging walls, with the life being squeezed out of me.
So there ends my weirdness for today, well at least online. I guess once the house is in decent shape, I will have to get back into meditation and breathing exercises and see if I can't make myself whole again.
I guess the stresses in dealing with people (drama where I just moved from that is still continuing and seemingly getting worst, not better and the drama surrounding where I now live not to mention the girl-child), the move, the unpacking... have stifled my creative juices. I'm wound tighter than a ball of yarn and I feel the tension in my body everytime I move.
While I know this funk that I'm in won't last forever, it bothers me that it's been allowed to go on for so long. I used to be quite carefree and let things roll off my back, but I seemed to have fallen off that cobblestone paved road and have been walking in the ditch beside it. Now if I could only find a narrow path back to the road I'd be a lot happier. There is no telling how long I've been walking in the ditch but I didn't realise it until a gal-pal of mine pointed it out (like 4 years ago). Sad eh?
I'm hoping that when my house is all unpacked, put away, sorted, cleaned etc, that I will be able to find some me time during the day (helps that I'm not working) to tap back into my creative side.
This may sound weird to some of you (it is okay, I'm weird, I can admit it, I embrace it) but I feel cut off from myself because of the funk. I've always had dreams. Some of those come true (it's almost like watching a movie before it comes out) while others don't. I've always felt that the ones that don't come true are more of a warning than something that is absolute. Of course there are those dreams that stem from my creative side and believe me, I know which ones those are (like watching a weird SF/F movie). I used to be able to "feel" things, subtle things. One fateful night this summer was the first time in a long time I was able to "feel" anything. What I felt wasn't good, or evil, but just a wall of negative energy almost black hole sucking the life and energy out of you. It wasn't very subtle either. That was a big wakeup call for me that this funk I've been in has affected me more than I imagined. In the past I would have been able to detect the slightest traces of negative energy but this time it was almost like it I was standing in between two converging walls, with the life being squeezed out of me.
So there ends my weirdness for today, well at least online. I guess once the house is in decent shape, I will have to get back into meditation and breathing exercises and see if I can't make myself whole again.
Is this day over yet?
It is only 9:15 and here I am wishing today was over already.
Won't go into details because frankly I don't want to think about it, but lets just say that the homework didn't get completed and this morning seems to be a continuation of last night.
At least she's off at school and I will have some piece of mind for a couple of hours.
I'm going to go talk to my neighbour and hope the day gets better.
Won't go into details because frankly I don't want to think about it, but lets just say that the homework didn't get completed and this morning seems to be a continuation of last night.
At least she's off at school and I will have some piece of mind for a couple of hours.
I'm going to go talk to my neighbour and hope the day gets better.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Oh the joys of tantrums
Whenever girl-child's teacher assigns her word searches as homework I have to brace myself. Invariably the first 2 or 3 hours is nothing but one long tantrum. I think I've heard everything from how hard it is, to the words not being there, that she hates school, hates it here and the list seems endless.
Incase I have forgotten to mention, I'm the evil/mean step-mother. Being that I don't have any children of my own (and an only child to boot) I don't have a lick of patience. So right about hour 2 I've had it. She hates being shouted at, but boy does she get it, then I just shut down and don't say a word to her.
What makes it worst is that she knows she can't have dinner until her homework is done (reference evil/mean above) otherwise it would never be completed. Of course like everything else, there are exceptions to the rule. There have been times when she's gotten so much homework that even working diligently she wouldn't be able to complete it before dinner, then she can eat. Anyway that isn't the case today and I refuse to feel sorry for someone who throws their pencil around, throws their homework around and then figures that they'll get to eat when they've made no real effort to do their homework.
I am seriously hoping the rest of the night gets better as she has already been sent to bed once and she knows when that happens, I'm certainly not kidding. Because she asked pseudo nicely I told her that if she could her word search without another temper tantrum that was fine, otherwise it would be bed for her.
She is supposed to have a 2 hour delay of school tomorrow which meant that she was going to be able to sleep in, that will go out of the window (the sleep in, not the attending of school) if she hasn't completed her word search.
On a brighter note, we only have 9 more years of this! heheheheheh. Where's a drink when you need one!
Incase I have forgotten to mention, I'm the evil/mean step-mother. Being that I don't have any children of my own (and an only child to boot) I don't have a lick of patience. So right about hour 2 I've had it. She hates being shouted at, but boy does she get it, then I just shut down and don't say a word to her.
What makes it worst is that she knows she can't have dinner until her homework is done (reference evil/mean above) otherwise it would never be completed. Of course like everything else, there are exceptions to the rule. There have been times when she's gotten so much homework that even working diligently she wouldn't be able to complete it before dinner, then she can eat. Anyway that isn't the case today and I refuse to feel sorry for someone who throws their pencil around, throws their homework around and then figures that they'll get to eat when they've made no real effort to do their homework.
I am seriously hoping the rest of the night gets better as she has already been sent to bed once and she knows when that happens, I'm certainly not kidding. Because she asked pseudo nicely I told her that if she could her word search without another temper tantrum that was fine, otherwise it would be bed for her.
She is supposed to have a 2 hour delay of school tomorrow which meant that she was going to be able to sleep in, that will go out of the window (the sleep in, not the attending of school) if she hasn't completed her word search.
On a brighter note, we only have 9 more years of this! heheheheheh. Where's a drink when you need one!
Monday, December 05, 2005
Grounding, Noise and odd conversations
There are times as a step-parent when I have to wonder about the wisdom of grounding. Whether it works, whether it is worth it, whether there are better ways to achieve the same goal.
Several days ago I mentioned about the girl-child's issue with markers, crayons and paints. Well, at 9 years old, she still feels she can do whatever she wants and consequences be damned. That thought lasts as long as it takes for her to be discovered and punished. She will unhappily relate that she never gets away with anything, for some reason she always gets discovered. I have no idea why she continues to do things she knows she's not supposed to.
Anyway, this morning her school was delayed due to the weather and road conditions. I had gone upstairs to let her know this and to my dismay discovered that she had been carving into her headboard. The bed frame/headboard etc in question is over 10 years old and is (was) very nice mahogany wood (along with the other furniture in her room). When polished, you can almost see your reflection in the wood.
Being the inquisitive sort, I cannot help but ask why she carved her name into the headboard. Her standard response to any question is "I don't know" and after 3 years of hearing this, it just makes one frustrated and upset. There are moments I feel like a policeman in an interrogation room as I have to keep repeating the question over and over. The final response was "I was grounded and wanted to take it out on something". Needless to say I had a few choice words for her and pointed out that while she may be sleeping on the bed and using all of the other furniture, they are by no means hers.
I guess I should look on the bright side. Last year this time she was banging her head repeatedly on the brick wall, so this is definately an improvement. Thankfully where we were at had child therapists and counsellors as she ended up going there. I don't think we'll be as lucky here.
As I sit here quite annoyed with the girl child I am hearing noise. Now to give you a little bit of a background, I live in a townhouse (4-plex) that has 4 storeys. Unit 1 and Unit 2 are mirror imaged and Unit 3 (which I live in, is identical to Unit 1) and Unit 4 are mirror imaged. What that means is that the darn stairs are against the same walls. Anyway, before I digress any further, my neighbours in Unit 4 sound like a herd of elephants as you can hear someone/s tromping up and down the stairs. This has been going on for the last couple of days and I can't figure out what they are doing and why they have to go up and down the stairs as much as they do.
I mentioned at the end of my last post (I believe) about certain conversations that the girl-child and I were having. Thankfully she's already had the "sex" talk and we haven't quite progressed to the "what happens when you start hitting puberty". More background information... I was christened Roman Catholic (never been confirmed as there wasn't a Catholic Church where I grew up) however attended Baptist church as a child and the girl-child has been raised Pentacostal (I believe) thus far. While I feel that children should be exposed to religion (as many as the parents feel comfortable with) I also feel that there comes a time when they can choose whether or not they want to continue attending church. There were a couple of incidents that made me disillusioned with the church and organized religion in general which is why I don't attend. The girl-child the other night was asking me the differences between the Catholic faith and the baptists. That conversation went on for the better part of an hour, which was pretty good. Of course then she asked me whether or not I had seen a ghost (yes) and whether or not Baptists or Catholics believe in ghosts (don't know). That conversation lasted almost as long as the initial conversation and the end result was that she wanted to see a ghost as she'd never seen one before. So now I sit here waiting for our next odd conversation.
If there is nothing I *must* blog about, I will have to blog about my religious beliefs another time.
Several days ago I mentioned about the girl-child's issue with markers, crayons and paints. Well, at 9 years old, she still feels she can do whatever she wants and consequences be damned. That thought lasts as long as it takes for her to be discovered and punished. She will unhappily relate that she never gets away with anything, for some reason she always gets discovered. I have no idea why she continues to do things she knows she's not supposed to.
Anyway, this morning her school was delayed due to the weather and road conditions. I had gone upstairs to let her know this and to my dismay discovered that she had been carving into her headboard. The bed frame/headboard etc in question is over 10 years old and is (was) very nice mahogany wood (along with the other furniture in her room). When polished, you can almost see your reflection in the wood.
Being the inquisitive sort, I cannot help but ask why she carved her name into the headboard. Her standard response to any question is "I don't know" and after 3 years of hearing this, it just makes one frustrated and upset. There are moments I feel like a policeman in an interrogation room as I have to keep repeating the question over and over. The final response was "I was grounded and wanted to take it out on something". Needless to say I had a few choice words for her and pointed out that while she may be sleeping on the bed and using all of the other furniture, they are by no means hers.
I guess I should look on the bright side. Last year this time she was banging her head repeatedly on the brick wall, so this is definately an improvement. Thankfully where we were at had child therapists and counsellors as she ended up going there. I don't think we'll be as lucky here.
As I sit here quite annoyed with the girl child I am hearing noise. Now to give you a little bit of a background, I live in a townhouse (4-plex) that has 4 storeys. Unit 1 and Unit 2 are mirror imaged and Unit 3 (which I live in, is identical to Unit 1) and Unit 4 are mirror imaged. What that means is that the darn stairs are against the same walls. Anyway, before I digress any further, my neighbours in Unit 4 sound like a herd of elephants as you can hear someone/s tromping up and down the stairs. This has been going on for the last couple of days and I can't figure out what they are doing and why they have to go up and down the stairs as much as they do.
I mentioned at the end of my last post (I believe) about certain conversations that the girl-child and I were having. Thankfully she's already had the "sex" talk and we haven't quite progressed to the "what happens when you start hitting puberty". More background information... I was christened Roman Catholic (never been confirmed as there wasn't a Catholic Church where I grew up) however attended Baptist church as a child and the girl-child has been raised Pentacostal (I believe) thus far. While I feel that children should be exposed to religion (as many as the parents feel comfortable with) I also feel that there comes a time when they can choose whether or not they want to continue attending church. There were a couple of incidents that made me disillusioned with the church and organized religion in general which is why I don't attend. The girl-child the other night was asking me the differences between the Catholic faith and the baptists. That conversation went on for the better part of an hour, which was pretty good. Of course then she asked me whether or not I had seen a ghost (yes) and whether or not Baptists or Catholics believe in ghosts (don't know). That conversation lasted almost as long as the initial conversation and the end result was that she wanted to see a ghost as she'd never seen one before. So now I sit here waiting for our next odd conversation.
If there is nothing I *must* blog about, I will have to blog about my religious beliefs another time.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Exhausted
The local time is 8:30pm and I'm at the point just past exhaustion. I don't know what it is, but I can't seem to get to bed before midnight and then I'm up early in the morning. After several days of that, I just can't function. That is the one thing I dislike about getting older (or aging like a fine wine as my friend Ashley says), I still have fond memories of going to bed at 2 or 3am, getting up at 7 and going to work. That cycle could repeat for several days and I would be fine. Not anymore, after doing that once the following day is more or less shot.
Last night we drove to Grafenwohr which is about an hour north north east of us to see the new Harry Potter movie. Right before we got there, the low fuel indicator light was illuminated and due to the time, we figured we'd get gas after the movie. The gas station on Graf closes at 8pm and it does not have pay at pump. We asked one of the guards where we could find a 24 hour gas station and he suggested either Pressath (approx 10km north-east or Weiden (approx 28km east). Since Pressath was closer, we headed that way, only to have to turn around as we couldn't find any gas stations, 24 hour or otherwise. There we were overly conscious about the gas, or lack thereof, and not only was it dark out, but not only weren't there anything to see, there weren't any other cars on the road. By this time we figured that we would head to Amberg (which is on our way home) and possibly head to Weiden once we saw the exit. When we finally saw the exit for Weiden, not only was it out of our way and quite far at that, but we figured we stood a better chance of getting gas at Amberg instead of Weiden (we're not holding much weigh with what the guard said). Needless to say, we made it to Amberg and was able to get gas there. After considering how many detours there were, we could have made it home on no gas just fine.
Moral of the story: Check your gas gauge before you head out and if you're iffy about the gas, take a map which shows where the 24 hour gas stations are.
Didn't make it to bed until around 2am and since hubby had to head out early (back to Graf for a week) I didn't get a lot of sleep.
Spent way too much time online, looking back I'm not sure exactly what all I did. Was able to rip some more MP3s from my CDs for my new toy and managed to get two more boxes emptied and more laundry done.
I think I'm going to curl up with a book and hopefully drift off into the next dimension.
Will have to write about my discussion with the girl-child re: religion and ghosts.
Last night we drove to Grafenwohr which is about an hour north north east of us to see the new Harry Potter movie. Right before we got there, the low fuel indicator light was illuminated and due to the time, we figured we'd get gas after the movie. The gas station on Graf closes at 8pm and it does not have pay at pump. We asked one of the guards where we could find a 24 hour gas station and he suggested either Pressath (approx 10km north-east or Weiden (approx 28km east). Since Pressath was closer, we headed that way, only to have to turn around as we couldn't find any gas stations, 24 hour or otherwise. There we were overly conscious about the gas, or lack thereof, and not only was it dark out, but not only weren't there anything to see, there weren't any other cars on the road. By this time we figured that we would head to Amberg (which is on our way home) and possibly head to Weiden once we saw the exit. When we finally saw the exit for Weiden, not only was it out of our way and quite far at that, but we figured we stood a better chance of getting gas at Amberg instead of Weiden (we're not holding much weigh with what the guard said). Needless to say, we made it to Amberg and was able to get gas there. After considering how many detours there were, we could have made it home on no gas just fine.
Moral of the story: Check your gas gauge before you head out and if you're iffy about the gas, take a map which shows where the 24 hour gas stations are.
Didn't make it to bed until around 2am and since hubby had to head out early (back to Graf for a week) I didn't get a lot of sleep.
Spent way too much time online, looking back I'm not sure exactly what all I did. Was able to rip some more MP3s from my CDs for my new toy and managed to get two more boxes emptied and more laundry done.
I think I'm going to curl up with a book and hopefully drift off into the next dimension.
Will have to write about my discussion with the girl-child re: religion and ghosts.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Going home...
I never contemplated that going home could be such an issue. To give you a reference point, I was born on the island of Jamaica however I do not travel under a Jamaican passport. I won't go into details of what passport I do hold, but given the current visa situation there, it appears that I'll need a visa to visit the land of my birth. While I do not travel there a lot (time and funds are the issue/s more so than the desire), I never expected it to be that difficult.
On a sadly amusing note, I'm glad that no one (or at least no one that comments) reads this particular blog. Why? you may say. Well, last night I spent approximately 2 hours trying to tweak the "look" of this blog. I had all but successfully done so (according to the preview) and was quite happy with my effort. The warm fuzzies didn't last long as when I saved it, the look wasn't anywhere close to what I was wanting. I will try this again, but not today.
Didn't get a lot done yesterday around the house as I would have liked. Ended up spending a pretty penny on a few gadgets so I will start load #3 of laundry for the day, grab a shower and then come back and play with my new toy.
Will try and be back later.
On a sadly amusing note, I'm glad that no one (or at least no one that comments) reads this particular blog. Why? you may say. Well, last night I spent approximately 2 hours trying to tweak the "look" of this blog. I had all but successfully done so (according to the preview) and was quite happy with my effort. The warm fuzzies didn't last long as when I saved it, the look wasn't anywhere close to what I was wanting. I will try this again, but not today.
Didn't get a lot done yesterday around the house as I would have liked. Ended up spending a pretty penny on a few gadgets so I will start load #3 of laundry for the day, grab a shower and then come back and play with my new toy.
Will try and be back later.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Marker marker everywhere
There are times when I have to wonder why the girl-child thinks we're completely oblivious.
Down the stairs she walks and the first thing I notice isn't the blue ink that's on her clothes, or all over her hands or even on her face but on her tongue. Why the question "Why is your tongue blue?" elicits a response of "I don't know" followed by a confused look and a tremble is beyond me.
While she was in her room and supposed to be putting away clothes and straightening up her room, instead she had found a set of markers, crayons and paint pots and decided to play.
This has been a problem for us since she was 5... she is now 9. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with her having markers, crayons or paints in theory. The reality of the situation is that she paints/draws/marks on any surface available. Walls, tables, towels, carpet and anything else. Lately she's had her markers etc removed from her room and told that she can play with those as long as she is supervised.
I guess that wasn't good enough for her as she got markers everywhere today. Instead of just removing them from her room and saying nothing else, not only did I remove the offending items from her room but they were thrown out. She's been put on notice that she has been grounded (for getting it in the carpet, especially after being told that we have to pay if she destroys the carpet or anything else) until further notice and that until she is able to use said items properly, any such items that she receives (even if for Christmas) will be donated on her behalf.
Somedays I wish there were some other way to resolve this issue, but I can't think of it.
Down the stairs she walks and the first thing I notice isn't the blue ink that's on her clothes, or all over her hands or even on her face but on her tongue. Why the question "Why is your tongue blue?" elicits a response of "I don't know" followed by a confused look and a tremble is beyond me.
While she was in her room and supposed to be putting away clothes and straightening up her room, instead she had found a set of markers, crayons and paint pots and decided to play.
This has been a problem for us since she was 5... she is now 9. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with her having markers, crayons or paints in theory. The reality of the situation is that she paints/draws/marks on any surface available. Walls, tables, towels, carpet and anything else. Lately she's had her markers etc removed from her room and told that she can play with those as long as she is supervised.
I guess that wasn't good enough for her as she got markers everywhere today. Instead of just removing them from her room and saying nothing else, not only did I remove the offending items from her room but they were thrown out. She's been put on notice that she has been grounded (for getting it in the carpet, especially after being told that we have to pay if she destroys the carpet or anything else) until further notice and that until she is able to use said items properly, any such items that she receives (even if for Christmas) will be donated on her behalf.
Somedays I wish there were some other way to resolve this issue, but I can't think of it.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Cayman WPB
It never ceases to amaze me how some people with influence work.
I have just been reading http://www.caymannetnews.com/ and I'm starting to get upset.
There have been articles in the past in respect to the Jamaican work force and possible non-renewal of their work permits and that employers are being "encouraged to find workers from other places". WTF is that? My belief is that if you're willing to employ someone it should be on their merits or credentials alone and not where they're from.
Yes the island does have a substantial Jamaican population. So what. Do you know your geography? Not only is the island practically right next door, there are regular flights between the two countries which makes seeing family much easier. Even though Jamaica is part of Caricom and the Jamaicans could go and seek employment in Trinidad or Barbados or elsewhere in the Caribbean, it is probably costly to fly back and forth at least twice a year. Of course let us not forget the difference in the earning potential.
While Cayman is not part of caricom they're slowly heading down a road that they're not going to like the final destination. First the Visa issue now this. I would be amused if every Jamaican national in Cayman decided to stay away from the island for two months and see what happens there. There would be huge and noticeable pockets of people missing, from the domestic industry straight on up to the QC and Judges.
I have just been reading http://www.caymannetnews.com/ and I'm starting to get upset.
There have been articles in the past in respect to the Jamaican work force and possible non-renewal of their work permits and that employers are being "encouraged to find workers from other places". WTF is that? My belief is that if you're willing to employ someone it should be on their merits or credentials alone and not where they're from.
Yes the island does have a substantial Jamaican population. So what. Do you know your geography? Not only is the island practically right next door, there are regular flights between the two countries which makes seeing family much easier. Even though Jamaica is part of Caricom and the Jamaicans could go and seek employment in Trinidad or Barbados or elsewhere in the Caribbean, it is probably costly to fly back and forth at least twice a year. Of course let us not forget the difference in the earning potential.
While Cayman is not part of caricom they're slowly heading down a road that they're not going to like the final destination. First the Visa issue now this. I would be amused if every Jamaican national in Cayman decided to stay away from the island for two months and see what happens there. There would be huge and noticeable pockets of people missing, from the domestic industry straight on up to the QC and Judges.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Becareful what you wish for
... because it might come true.
I was hoping that my household goods (HHG) would get here sooner than originally expected and it is.
The only problem now is finding place to put all of this stuff.
I know I haven't blogged in a while. I was sick the week before Thanksgiving and then the week of thanksgiving was just crazy. I will do better.
EDIT
What is going on with the hurricanes this year? We're so close to the end of the season and now we have TS Epsilon. It makes me wonder if we'll still get some after the season is over. I know I shouldn't even contemplate the possibility of that but I just can't help it.
I was hoping that my household goods (HHG) would get here sooner than originally expected and it is.
The only problem now is finding place to put all of this stuff.
I know I haven't blogged in a while. I was sick the week before Thanksgiving and then the week of thanksgiving was just crazy. I will do better.
EDIT
What is going on with the hurricanes this year? We're so close to the end of the season and now we have TS Epsilon. It makes me wonder if we'll still get some after the season is over. I know I shouldn't even contemplate the possibility of that but I just can't help it.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
It's been a few
Days since my last post. We got the aDSL working yesterday and the house phone on the friday prior.
Colder than get out around here now at -6C which doesn't really make me happy.
Had a great week last week with Kelly and the girls at Hallo Hohenfels. Hopefully we'll keep in touch as the time progresses.
Still a bit under the weather, will go and curl up with the remote for a few before doing anything major.
Colder than get out around here now at -6C which doesn't really make me happy.
Had a great week last week with Kelly and the girls at Hallo Hohenfels. Hopefully we'll keep in touch as the time progresses.
Still a bit under the weather, will go and curl up with the remote for a few before doing anything major.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Talk about no time.
This is going to be a quick post as I'm sure I don't have much time.
Will have to do make up posts another time.
Arrived in safely on Wednesday morning, was foggy so didn't get to see much.
Thursday was Bayleigh's first day of school - she seemed to like it.
Friday the schools were out so Bayleigh and I navigated the CMTC bus and got on post, did our errands with the help of the shuttle bus and went to the company's BBQ, that was fun.
Saturday we all walked into the town and walked around. We had a late start so everything was closed but it was still a nice walk.
Sunday was a lazy day.
Monday was a busy day due to running errands.
Today is alright so far. Finishing up the errands from yesterday and going to do a few more things today.
Will have to do make up posts another time.
Arrived in safely on Wednesday morning, was foggy so didn't get to see much.
Thursday was Bayleigh's first day of school - she seemed to like it.
Friday the schools were out so Bayleigh and I navigated the CMTC bus and got on post, did our errands with the help of the shuttle bus and went to the company's BBQ, that was fun.
Saturday we all walked into the town and walked around. We had a late start so everything was closed but it was still a nice walk.
Sunday was a lazy day.
Monday was a busy day due to running errands.
Today is alright so far. Finishing up the errands from yesterday and going to do a few more things today.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
In-Transit in Dallas
It's an hour before we're due to leave for the airport again and I'm so excited I can't contain myself. I woke up several times this morning smiling... I wonder why! (duh!).
Yesterday ended up being so-so at the end of it all.
Laura, Bayleigh's mother, phoned on Sunday night to ask if she could come by and see Bayleigh before we headed out. Although they didn't get to spend much time together, both Bayleigh and Laura seemed to appreciate it. It did make the goodbye a lot harder for Bayleigh but at least it was done.
Our flight didn't go as expected as it was delayed from Dallas due to the weather so instead of arriving at 8PM we arrived after 10PM. Although Bayleigh is really restless travelling, the cat did wonderfully.
More later.
Yesterday ended up being so-so at the end of it all.
Laura, Bayleigh's mother, phoned on Sunday night to ask if she could come by and see Bayleigh before we headed out. Although they didn't get to spend much time together, both Bayleigh and Laura seemed to appreciate it. It did make the goodbye a lot harder for Bayleigh but at least it was done.
Our flight didn't go as expected as it was delayed from Dallas due to the weather so instead of arriving at 8PM we arrived after 10PM. Although Bayleigh is really restless travelling, the cat did wonderfully.
More later.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Finally, the day is *almost* here...
And I say this because I don't actually fly to Germany until tomorrow but I do get to fly out today to Dallas and considering what the last few months have been like, it's definately a "finally".
As I write this, Bayleigh is with my BIL (Hawk) and his kids (Sean, Cody and Luke) at Bayleigh's school dancing for the school's harvest thingy. I've packed, re-packed and groaned as I still have stuff yet to be packed.
While I was visiting my parents Rob mailed me 3 boxes of mostly Bayleigh's stuff to send ahead.
The movers didn't take as much as I would have liked (read: NOTHING from the bathrooms other than the trash cans and that's only because I emptied them out and put them in the living room otherwise I was afraid they'd be packed with the trash still in them) so I drove from AZ to Dallas and flew to Louisville with stuff that yes I wanted but no I didn't want in my suitcases. The first few days I was here I thought I had sussed out what I needed packed into the sole box I was going to send. With MIL's help and Grandma's help, I ended up mailing 3 (yes you read that correct) boxes. At that point I said that whatever didn't get packed in the suitcases wouldn't go. I left clothes out for Bayleigh to wear for her last few days here and called it a day. Little did I know that Grandma had more clothes (where they were at heaven only knows) and guess what, the bags are packed and there are still tons more clothes. Guess what won't be going?
I probably should feel bad (heh, but I won't) as the one big bag of clothes are all mine, however there's a case that has Bayleigh's clothes, my duffle (that I was going to flatten and put into another case) also has her clothes and by golly 90% of the contents of the 2 boxes (which cost me $100 to mail to Germany) is all her clothes. In addition to that all of the clothes that were sent ahead were Bayleigh's.
Oh well, if need be (and time permits) I'll buy another case that'll whole more than my duffle, but that'll wait until we're in Dallas as I'm not fooling with it now (yeah and I say that but Grandma hasn't seen how much clothes are still there).
What I should be doing instead of blogging is packing up a box to mail to my mother. To make a long story short, my mother has seen the informercial for the Magic Bullet on television and since Walgreens had it on sale (minus the bonuses of the blender attachment and the juice extractor, neither of which my mother will really use... she already has a blender, plus she hasn't seen the end of the informercial where it lists those two items) I bought it. I seriously considered packing it and taking it with me to Germany however it won't fit. Yes, we're back to the same issue again.
Anyway other than those things, I think I'm all set. Raja (cat) has been seen and has his okay to travel (need to make a copy to attach to the cage though). I have our passports, orders, IDs, name of hotel (oops, need to call them before so they know to pick us up from the airport). I guess I'm going to end here so I can get a move on.
It'll be a few more days before I can get online again. Next post will be from the other side of the pond.
As I write this, Bayleigh is with my BIL (Hawk) and his kids (Sean, Cody and Luke) at Bayleigh's school dancing for the school's harvest thingy. I've packed, re-packed and groaned as I still have stuff yet to be packed.
While I was visiting my parents Rob mailed me 3 boxes of mostly Bayleigh's stuff to send ahead.
The movers didn't take as much as I would have liked (read: NOTHING from the bathrooms other than the trash cans and that's only because I emptied them out and put them in the living room otherwise I was afraid they'd be packed with the trash still in them) so I drove from AZ to Dallas and flew to Louisville with stuff that yes I wanted but no I didn't want in my suitcases. The first few days I was here I thought I had sussed out what I needed packed into the sole box I was going to send. With MIL's help and Grandma's help, I ended up mailing 3 (yes you read that correct) boxes. At that point I said that whatever didn't get packed in the suitcases wouldn't go. I left clothes out for Bayleigh to wear for her last few days here and called it a day. Little did I know that Grandma had more clothes (where they were at heaven only knows) and guess what, the bags are packed and there are still tons more clothes. Guess what won't be going?
I probably should feel bad (heh, but I won't) as the one big bag of clothes are all mine, however there's a case that has Bayleigh's clothes, my duffle (that I was going to flatten and put into another case) also has her clothes and by golly 90% of the contents of the 2 boxes (which cost me $100 to mail to Germany) is all her clothes. In addition to that all of the clothes that were sent ahead were Bayleigh's.
Oh well, if need be (and time permits) I'll buy another case that'll whole more than my duffle, but that'll wait until we're in Dallas as I'm not fooling with it now (yeah and I say that but Grandma hasn't seen how much clothes are still there).
What I should be doing instead of blogging is packing up a box to mail to my mother. To make a long story short, my mother has seen the informercial for the Magic Bullet on television and since Walgreens had it on sale (minus the bonuses of the blender attachment and the juice extractor, neither of which my mother will really use... she already has a blender, plus she hasn't seen the end of the informercial where it lists those two items) I bought it. I seriously considered packing it and taking it with me to Germany however it won't fit. Yes, we're back to the same issue again.
Anyway other than those things, I think I'm all set. Raja (cat) has been seen and has his okay to travel (need to make a copy to attach to the cage though). I have our passports, orders, IDs, name of hotel (oops, need to call them before so they know to pick us up from the airport). I guess I'm going to end here so I can get a move on.
It'll be a few more days before I can get online again. Next post will be from the other side of the pond.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Slightly amused, slightly annoyed...
Where do I begin in this sad tale?
Several months ago on a Friday night, someone I once considered a friend did something I can't quite forget and at this writing, can't quite forgive either.
To me a good friend is someone who is in tune with your emotions and body language enough to realise when something is wrong and is able to read the non verbal cues. This same person should be secure enough in the relationship to know that some things won't be shared, but sometimes it's not the telling of the issue that counts but the inquiry.
With that said, I asked a mutual person whether said person was doing alright. Response received was that they weren't and I proceeded the following day to ask whether they were okay.
For my trouble I was blown off and the person in question has never made an effort since to communicate with me.
This is about two and a half months later, I've since left the vicinity and now she's decided that she doesn't understand why it happened and doesn't guess she'll ever understand why. Of course with her having the victim mentality, she wants to blame everyone instead of taking responsibility for her own actions.
Does it annoy me, yes, because I feel that if we had what I would consider a lasting friendship, this wouldn't have happened, or it wouldn't have been allowed to continue for as long as it had. For her to suggest several months later that it's due to other issues or from venom spewed by another person (who I do consider a dear friend) is ludacris, demeaning and outright assinine.
Several months ago on a Friday night, someone I once considered a friend did something I can't quite forget and at this writing, can't quite forgive either.
To me a good friend is someone who is in tune with your emotions and body language enough to realise when something is wrong and is able to read the non verbal cues. This same person should be secure enough in the relationship to know that some things won't be shared, but sometimes it's not the telling of the issue that counts but the inquiry.
With that said, I asked a mutual person whether said person was doing alright. Response received was that they weren't and I proceeded the following day to ask whether they were okay.
For my trouble I was blown off and the person in question has never made an effort since to communicate with me.
This is about two and a half months later, I've since left the vicinity and now she's decided that she doesn't understand why it happened and doesn't guess she'll ever understand why. Of course with her having the victim mentality, she wants to blame everyone instead of taking responsibility for her own actions.
Does it annoy me, yes, because I feel that if we had what I would consider a lasting friendship, this wouldn't have happened, or it wouldn't have been allowed to continue for as long as it had. For her to suggest several months later that it's due to other issues or from venom spewed by another person (who I do consider a dear friend) is ludacris, demeaning and outright assinine.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
After much headaches and lack of sleep...
I'm here in Louisville spending time with the in-laws before I head out to Germany.
The last several weeks have been fantastic, stressful, bittersweet, heart breaking, wonderful, tiring and I can't believe it's over with.
The Monday I got my orders I started planning my trip to see my parents. I was luckily able to get a ticket on Tuesday for a fairly decent price given the destination and it being at the last minute. The catalyst to travel fairly quickly was because of my friend T. She had her last bout of chemo and was due to start radiation within 2 weeks and I needed to see her before she left for radiation as that was for 6 weeks.
My two cousins, Gill and Neil, along with T and Asti were both in on the surprise. Asti picked me up from the airport and I was able to surprise my parents as neither of them knew I was arriving in. We had a lovely visit and I can't believe that the two weeks flew by so quickly. The end of the trip was nicely punctuated by going back to where I lived my formative years and they aren't kidding when they say you can't ever go home. I was able to see a relative of mine who I haven't seen in years and although it was bittersweet I was happy to see her.
I arrived back in Arizona only to pack up the house and leave. My mother flew in so that I wouldn't have to drive to DFW by myself (and boy am I thankful that she did as portions of that drive were unbearable). We had an interesting time driving around DFW on arrival and also the day I turned my car into VPC to say the least. At least we got to see Jon so that was great. I also met her fiance and he seemed rather nice. A lot more talkative than I would imagined, and she even mentioned to me that he's not normally like that in person when you first meet him.
Mom was able to return home safely as we were concerned about hurricane Wilma. She looks like she could be Ivan's evil twin, but thankfully she hasn't made landfall yet and hopefully she won't.
Flew into Louisville on Thursday and all I'm going to say about this segment of the trip is that it'll be a long 10 days however it'll be nice to see the in-laws one last time before we're across the pond for 3 yrs.
On a side note, I'm getting quite a bit of sleep again which I'm very thankful for. I guess my stress level must have been up there as that's the only times in which I have a noticeable lack of sleep. I was averaging about 4 hours of sleep the two weeks prior to seeing my parents and that lasted until I arrived here. I guess the stress was my leaving my car at VPC.
Must remember to take a gas can when I go to pick my car up as the gas light was on.
The last several weeks have been fantastic, stressful, bittersweet, heart breaking, wonderful, tiring and I can't believe it's over with.
The Monday I got my orders I started planning my trip to see my parents. I was luckily able to get a ticket on Tuesday for a fairly decent price given the destination and it being at the last minute. The catalyst to travel fairly quickly was because of my friend T. She had her last bout of chemo and was due to start radiation within 2 weeks and I needed to see her before she left for radiation as that was for 6 weeks.
My two cousins, Gill and Neil, along with T and Asti were both in on the surprise. Asti picked me up from the airport and I was able to surprise my parents as neither of them knew I was arriving in. We had a lovely visit and I can't believe that the two weeks flew by so quickly. The end of the trip was nicely punctuated by going back to where I lived my formative years and they aren't kidding when they say you can't ever go home. I was able to see a relative of mine who I haven't seen in years and although it was bittersweet I was happy to see her.
I arrived back in Arizona only to pack up the house and leave. My mother flew in so that I wouldn't have to drive to DFW by myself (and boy am I thankful that she did as portions of that drive were unbearable). We had an interesting time driving around DFW on arrival and also the day I turned my car into VPC to say the least. At least we got to see Jon so that was great. I also met her fiance and he seemed rather nice. A lot more talkative than I would imagined, and she even mentioned to me that he's not normally like that in person when you first meet him.
Mom was able to return home safely as we were concerned about hurricane Wilma. She looks like she could be Ivan's evil twin, but thankfully she hasn't made landfall yet and hopefully she won't.
Flew into Louisville on Thursday and all I'm going to say about this segment of the trip is that it'll be a long 10 days however it'll be nice to see the in-laws one last time before we're across the pond for 3 yrs.
On a side note, I'm getting quite a bit of sleep again which I'm very thankful for. I guess my stress level must have been up there as that's the only times in which I have a noticeable lack of sleep. I was averaging about 4 hours of sleep the two weeks prior to seeing my parents and that lasted until I arrived here. I guess the stress was my leaving my car at VPC.
Must remember to take a gas can when I go to pick my car up as the gas light was on.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Can't believe it's Friday already...
Short Synopsis
Sunday: Arrived in, surprised parents. Saw Astor, Dolly, Izzy, Cecil, Toni, Rosie and Aunt June.
Monday: Saw people at mom's work, hung out with Neil for a wee bit, went by to see Toni in the morning, nothing doing in the afternoon.
Tuesday: Went by CNB, saw Judith, Keith, Audrey, Kevin, Michele, Ellen, Amanda, Rosie, Faith, Elsa, Alicia, Carneth, Delcita and Licci.
Wednesday: Didn't do much in the AM. Went by CINA in the afternoon, learnt lots. Had Memory Bank with Uncle Lee, that was interesting. Came home and posted on c-c about what I'd found out and they were able to help piece in my paternal GGGMother's name.
Thursday: CINA in the morning, overloading my brain with all sorts of genealogical information. Didn't really learn anything useful re: my family tree, discovered that Aunt Martha was born in Cuba though. That was interesting. Also perused Memory Bank transcripts with Lurley and William and Grandma. Grandma's wasn't quite as interesting as many things missing.
SO thinking about going to Munich and Prague, quite jealous but happy, needs to get out and see stuff instead of being blah about lack of American Football.
Sunday: Arrived in, surprised parents. Saw Astor, Dolly, Izzy, Cecil, Toni, Rosie and Aunt June.
Monday: Saw people at mom's work, hung out with Neil for a wee bit, went by to see Toni in the morning, nothing doing in the afternoon.
Tuesday: Went by CNB, saw Judith, Keith, Audrey, Kevin, Michele, Ellen, Amanda, Rosie, Faith, Elsa, Alicia, Carneth, Delcita and Licci.
Wednesday: Didn't do much in the AM. Went by CINA in the afternoon, learnt lots. Had Memory Bank with Uncle Lee, that was interesting. Came home and posted on c-c about what I'd found out and they were able to help piece in my paternal GGGMother's name.
Thursday: CINA in the morning, overloading my brain with all sorts of genealogical information. Didn't really learn anything useful re: my family tree, discovered that Aunt Martha was born in Cuba though. That was interesting. Also perused Memory Bank transcripts with Lurley and William and Grandma. Grandma's wasn't quite as interesting as many things missing.
SO thinking about going to Munich and Prague, quite jealous but happy, needs to get out and see stuff instead of being blah about lack of American Football.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Humidity galore...
Been a few days since I've been back to the island. While it's lovely being home and seeing friends and family it is so darn humid. Normally I visit over Christmas but I wanted to come prior to heading the other way across the Atlantic. I must say that it wasn't this humid while I was living here but maybe that's just me fooling myself.
I remember mornings of cold showers, breakfast followed by yet another shower just to cool off from breakfast and then a dash to the car so I wouldn't sweat either before school or work.
Excitement is the theme of this afternoon. I'm heading off to CINA - National Archives - so I hope I find lots of goodies out. Then we're having Indian food for dinner, very excited about that.
Yesterday I was able to see a good majority of the people I used to work with so that was good fun. Most of them still look the same, more so than the bank. Some days I swear I haven't left, but it has been at least 5 years.
What is noticeable is that their children have grown lots bigger, some are even bigger than I am and what's worst is that some even look older than me.
Living the life of good food.
I remember mornings of cold showers, breakfast followed by yet another shower just to cool off from breakfast and then a dash to the car so I wouldn't sweat either before school or work.
Excitement is the theme of this afternoon. I'm heading off to CINA - National Archives - so I hope I find lots of goodies out. Then we're having Indian food for dinner, very excited about that.
Yesterday I was able to see a good majority of the people I used to work with so that was good fun. Most of them still look the same, more so than the bank. Some days I swear I haven't left, but it has been at least 5 years.
What is noticeable is that their children have grown lots bigger, some are even bigger than I am and what's worst is that some even look older than me.
Living the life of good food.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Crazy days were here again.
It's been a few days since I was on here.
I haven't been sleeping well I guess there is just too much going on upstairs.
This week was supposed to be my laid back week and it has been anything but. Hopefully tonight will be an easy night as I don't have anything much planned after work.
I hope I have everything planned as I'll be leaving for a little over 2 weeks.
I haven't been sleeping well I guess there is just too much going on upstairs.
This week was supposed to be my laid back week and it has been anything but. Hopefully tonight will be an easy night as I don't have anything much planned after work.
I hope I have everything planned as I'll be leaving for a little over 2 weeks.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Been a crazy few days
Got a call early Monday morning from STUPO, my orders were here. Went and got info from Transportation about pickup... drove to passports and picked up passports.
This morning went back to transportation and got my pack dates arranged. Had issue with port call, ended up going to main port call and getting more info and got that sorted out.
Tomorrow heading to housing to get dates for clearing. Need to remember to call Mrs. Stewart about dates.
And this was supposed to be the taking it easy week, yah right.
This morning went back to transportation and got my pack dates arranged. Had issue with port call, ended up going to main port call and getting more info and got that sorted out.
Tomorrow heading to housing to get dates for clearing. Need to remember to call Mrs. Stewart about dates.
And this was supposed to be the taking it easy week, yah right.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Waking up with roses aka determined to have a good day
I woke up this morning determined that this was going to be a good day and that nothing or no one would deter me from it.
I made several valiant attempts to blog this morning, but to no avail.
Had a reasonable day at work, went by STUPO and had a lovely chat with Mr. T and my paperwork is on it's way.
As I said to him, I'm glad we're moving forward, even if it's in minute steps, forward is always good.
Tonight is my last AFTB for the week and it's been a lot of fun.
Weather is getting funky on me. I can't keep the cooler on anymore at night or I'll freeze my lil rear off.
I made several valiant attempts to blog this morning, but to no avail.
Had a reasonable day at work, went by STUPO and had a lovely chat with Mr. T and my paperwork is on it's way.
As I said to him, I'm glad we're moving forward, even if it's in minute steps, forward is always good.
Tonight is my last AFTB for the week and it's been a lot of fun.
Weather is getting funky on me. I can't keep the cooler on anymore at night or I'll freeze my lil rear off.
EFMP/STUPO... Just another day when things don't go your way
Today is another one of those days where I feel as though I am at the mercy of someone's whim.
While I sit here giving myself a mental pat on the back for having made contact with STUPO about my orders, I can't help but wonder why I'm astonished about yet another issue.
EFMP is complete and the paperwork (even taking the slow boat to China) would be at STUPO hopefully by early tomorrow.
Went into STUPO to find out whether they'd received said paperwork, no.
Much to everyone's amazement (but mine), I have no orders. Not deferred orders, but no orders. What does that mean for me, no clue. Hoping to hear something tomorrow about what's going on. Apparently certain things should have been from when he was in Korea, and they weren't and the ball just kept being dropped along the way. Hopefully someone will pick it up and run (really really fast) with it.
Just need to keep my spirits up and trust that it'll all work out for the best in the end. Hopefully if I keep repeating that to myself, I'll start believing it.
While I sit here giving myself a mental pat on the back for having made contact with STUPO about my orders, I can't help but wonder why I'm astonished about yet another issue.
EFMP is complete and the paperwork (even taking the slow boat to China) would be at STUPO hopefully by early tomorrow.
Went into STUPO to find out whether they'd received said paperwork, no.
Much to everyone's amazement (but mine), I have no orders. Not deferred orders, but no orders. What does that mean for me, no clue. Hoping to hear something tomorrow about what's going on. Apparently certain things should have been from when he was in Korea, and they weren't and the ball just kept being dropped along the way. Hopefully someone will pick it up and run (really really fast) with it.
Just need to keep my spirits up and trust that it'll all work out for the best in the end. Hopefully if I keep repeating that to myself, I'll start believing it.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Karoake commercial night...
Disclaimer alert... I'm not upset with Michele in the least but others...
Michele asked me to watch her kiddos and that was cool. The only bad part is that they're so close in age and they want to talk to you at the same time but I can't listen to them both at the same time. They were good about trying to wait, which is all you can ask really.
I knew from Connie that there was a commercial being filmed and I was considering going. When Michele asked me to watch her kids, it wasn't really a choice for me. Although I'd enjoy watching Connie sing, I knew I'd have more fun with the girls (the little ones) than being around that certain other person.
This certain other person I'm sure was put on this earth to drive me out of mind. It is unfathomable to me how someone can appear to be nice and friendly and trustworthy but is anything but. There is only so much snubbing and rudeness one can take before enough is enough. I will admit to being confrontational at times, the only times I'm not is when I don't think it's even worth it.
I guess deep down I should feel upset, enraged, saddened,furious, let down, or any sort of emotion really about this certain other person, but the fact is, I don't. I'm relieved, relieved because what friendship I thought we had wasn't worth it. That sounds like a strange sentiment in light of the fact that I used the word friendship however there are just some things I have a hard time dealing with. If I have been good friends with someone (doesn't necessarily have anything do with the length of time I've known them) I'll fight for the relationship, however this wasn't one of those cases. The good thing is that I found out now before I wasted anymore time. I don't deal with BS well and am more likely to call you on it (which probably doesn't serve any purpose other than to add more fuel to the fire) and she comes off as pure BS to me.
I've been hurt many times by friends, people I considered family, in various other relationships too many times to give someone the opportunity and the fuel to do so. Maybe that's part of what Mari means when she says I'm not the same person she met. If that is what it takes, then I'll never be that person again. It doesn't hurt any less the 5th or 55th time you get your heart stomped on and more often than not, it wasn't worth it.
So while I feel this way, I don't wish her any ill will and I've forgiven her. Forgiven her for her lack of respect for another's feelings; forgiven her for her lack of being able to relate to another person; forgiven her for living in her head where she is supreme goddess and can do no wrong, forgiven her for being herself. With that being said, I choose not to interact with her. Forgiveness comes with a price, and the price is that I have no interaction with her. I don't want to be in a situation where this could potentially happen again. It would be one thing if she were to even have enough compassion or empathy for another person, to fully understand what she's doing. I don't think she emotionally capable of doing so, as I write this, I don't think she's emotionally or mentally mature. She's 50 (whether she likes to admit it or not) and behaves like a high schooler. Maybe that's the maturity level that she's really at, and maybe we shouldn't expect anything else. Those of us who have finished high school remember those days with mixed feelings of dread and fondness. Another thought is maybe she really doesn't care. As long as people will forgive her and carry on, then she doesn't have to change. While I accept that we have to love people faults and all, sometimes we hurt those we don't mean to. If they are important enough to us, they shouldn't have to ask us to change, we should want to, want to be a better person. None of us are perfect and we could all use a little fine tuning.
This just brings me back to why I'm ever so slightly irritated with the other person.
Michele made it clear that she was going to drive as she needed to home by a certain time. This person in question understood that and said it wasn't a problem and that she'd take Michele. Maybe it is me, however when I offer to drive someone somewhere, if they have to be home by a certain time, I'm keeping my eyes on the clock. This didn't happen and apparently Michele had to all but insist on being taken home. I wouldn't say this is the first time this has happened and I know it won't be the last time, but it irks how selfish some people can be.
That's my mental purging for the day.
Michele asked me to watch her kiddos and that was cool. The only bad part is that they're so close in age and they want to talk to you at the same time but I can't listen to them both at the same time. They were good about trying to wait, which is all you can ask really.
I knew from Connie that there was a commercial being filmed and I was considering going. When Michele asked me to watch her kids, it wasn't really a choice for me. Although I'd enjoy watching Connie sing, I knew I'd have more fun with the girls (the little ones) than being around that certain other person.
This certain other person I'm sure was put on this earth to drive me out of mind. It is unfathomable to me how someone can appear to be nice and friendly and trustworthy but is anything but. There is only so much snubbing and rudeness one can take before enough is enough. I will admit to being confrontational at times, the only times I'm not is when I don't think it's even worth it.
I guess deep down I should feel upset, enraged, saddened,furious, let down, or any sort of emotion really about this certain other person, but the fact is, I don't. I'm relieved, relieved because what friendship I thought we had wasn't worth it. That sounds like a strange sentiment in light of the fact that I used the word friendship however there are just some things I have a hard time dealing with. If I have been good friends with someone (doesn't necessarily have anything do with the length of time I've known them) I'll fight for the relationship, however this wasn't one of those cases. The good thing is that I found out now before I wasted anymore time. I don't deal with BS well and am more likely to call you on it (which probably doesn't serve any purpose other than to add more fuel to the fire) and she comes off as pure BS to me.
I've been hurt many times by friends, people I considered family, in various other relationships too many times to give someone the opportunity and the fuel to do so. Maybe that's part of what Mari means when she says I'm not the same person she met. If that is what it takes, then I'll never be that person again. It doesn't hurt any less the 5th or 55th time you get your heart stomped on and more often than not, it wasn't worth it.
So while I feel this way, I don't wish her any ill will and I've forgiven her. Forgiven her for her lack of respect for another's feelings; forgiven her for her lack of being able to relate to another person; forgiven her for living in her head where she is supreme goddess and can do no wrong, forgiven her for being herself. With that being said, I choose not to interact with her. Forgiveness comes with a price, and the price is that I have no interaction with her. I don't want to be in a situation where this could potentially happen again. It would be one thing if she were to even have enough compassion or empathy for another person, to fully understand what she's doing. I don't think she emotionally capable of doing so, as I write this, I don't think she's emotionally or mentally mature. She's 50 (whether she likes to admit it or not) and behaves like a high schooler. Maybe that's the maturity level that she's really at, and maybe we shouldn't expect anything else. Those of us who have finished high school remember those days with mixed feelings of dread and fondness. Another thought is maybe she really doesn't care. As long as people will forgive her and carry on, then she doesn't have to change. While I accept that we have to love people faults and all, sometimes we hurt those we don't mean to. If they are important enough to us, they shouldn't have to ask us to change, we should want to, want to be a better person. None of us are perfect and we could all use a little fine tuning.
This just brings me back to why I'm ever so slightly irritated with the other person.
Michele made it clear that she was going to drive as she needed to home by a certain time. This person in question understood that and said it wasn't a problem and that she'd take Michele. Maybe it is me, however when I offer to drive someone somewhere, if they have to be home by a certain time, I'm keeping my eyes on the clock. This didn't happen and apparently Michele had to all but insist on being taken home. I wouldn't say this is the first time this has happened and I know it won't be the last time, but it irks how selfish some people can be.
That's my mental purging for the day.
Monday, September 12, 2005
One year ago... and so it begins
Last year this time I was an emotional wreck. This was the first day of a very long and bittersweet road. Before I go any further, the only disclaimer I'd like to add is that nothing that happened was physical, only emotional, psychological, mental, meta-physical but certainly not physical.
September 12th last year as I watched the almost non-existant coverage of Hurricane Ivan a dark cloud descended over me. The longer I watched, the darker the cloud and it was days before I saw the sunshine.
Hours passed by, sometimes painfully slow and other times at seemingly supersonic speed. I don't remember eating but I must have; if only out of sheer determination not to pass out but to see this through to the end. To face life, fate and mortality with my head up and tears in my eyes.
There aren't many days that stick out in my mind with absolute clarity. September 11, 2001 and September 12, 2004 just happen to be two of those days and they will forever be etched in my memory as if carved by a bloody dagger that was ripped out of my heart.
September 12th last year as I watched the almost non-existant coverage of Hurricane Ivan a dark cloud descended over me. The longer I watched, the darker the cloud and it was days before I saw the sunshine.
Hours passed by, sometimes painfully slow and other times at seemingly supersonic speed. I don't remember eating but I must have; if only out of sheer determination not to pass out but to see this through to the end. To face life, fate and mortality with my head up and tears in my eyes.
There aren't many days that stick out in my mind with absolute clarity. September 11, 2001 and September 12, 2004 just happen to be two of those days and they will forever be etched in my memory as if carved by a bloody dagger that was ripped out of my heart.
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