How did this happen?

When I originally started this blog, it wasn't intended to be a place to bitch and moan. Certainly not to bitch about the girl-child, anything political, religious or otherwise. The idea was for me to put to paper (virtual in this case) my more creative side. Despite the last several (practically all) posts, I do have a creative side and a wild imagination.

I guess the stresses in dealing with people (drama where I just moved from that is still continuing and seemingly getting worst, not better and the drama surrounding where I now live not to mention the girl-child), the move, the unpacking... have stifled my creative juices. I'm wound tighter than a ball of yarn and I feel the tension in my body everytime I move.

While I know this funk that I'm in won't last forever, it bothers me that it's been allowed to go on for so long. I used to be quite carefree and let things roll off my back, but I seemed to have fallen off that cobblestone paved road and have been walking in the ditch beside it. Now if I could only find a narrow path back to the road I'd be a lot happier. There is no telling how long I've been walking in the ditch but I didn't realise it until a gal-pal of mine pointed it out (like 4 years ago). Sad eh?

I'm hoping that when my house is all unpacked, put away, sorted, cleaned etc, that I will be able to find some me time during the day (helps that I'm not working) to tap back into my creative side.

This may sound weird to some of you (it is okay, I'm weird, I can admit it, I embrace it) but I feel cut off from myself because of the funk. I've always had dreams. Some of those come true (it's almost like watching a movie before it comes out) while others don't. I've always felt that the ones that don't come true are more of a warning than something that is absolute. Of course there are those dreams that stem from my creative side and believe me, I know which ones those are (like watching a weird SF/F movie). I used to be able to "feel" things, subtle things. One fateful night this summer was the first time in a long time I was able to "feel" anything. What I felt wasn't good, or evil, but just a wall of negative energy almost black hole sucking the life and energy out of you. It wasn't very subtle either. That was a big wakeup call for me that this funk I've been in has affected me more than I imagined. In the past I would have been able to detect the slightest traces of negative energy but this time it was almost like it I was standing in between two converging walls, with the life being squeezed out of me.

So there ends my weirdness for today, well at least online. I guess once the house is in decent shape, I will have to get back into meditation and breathing exercises and see if I can't make myself whole again.